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The TWENTIETH 

CENTURY 

EPIC 




By Rf B/Garnett 




THE ROXBURGH PUBLISHING CO., INC. 
Boston 






<< 



-f <z 



Copyrighted 1914 

By REUBEN BRODIE GARNETT 

All Rights Reserved 



FEB 20 1914 

©CI.A369052 



To the human race this little book is dedi- 
cated, with the hope that it may bring some 
cheer, and also teach you a few things that 
may lessen your burdens. The subjects 
that I have put into rhyme are presented as 
they come to me from my life of experience. 

My criticisms may appear too severe, but 
remember that only your truest friends are 
allowed to tell you of your faults. 

REUBEN BRODIE GARNETT. 



The TWENTIETH 
CENTURY EPIC 



Ptetace 

By the Author. 

This poem that I have dignified with the 
term epic, was written by inspiration, and 
is dedicated to the human race. I have used 
the term epic with no intention of assum- 
ing a dignity not due my production ; but, 
in the sense that the precepts and warnings 
contained therein, have a lofty purpose ; and 
are graphically set forth in the plainest 
words in the English language. 

I have not indulged in similes or hyper- 
boles; nor does my epic abound with those 
picturesque figures of comparison found in 
Homer or Virgil, nor those cadences and 
swells found in The Paradise Lost, describ- 
ing the headlong falls and gigantic flights 
of those god-like personages peopling the 
heavens and earth in the poetic mind ; nor 
does my inspiration come from muse or di- 
vine breath ; nor did it descend upon me 
from above ; on the contrary, it sprang up 
out of the deep feeling I have for my kind, 
especially those in the strained walks of 
life. 

Our twentieth century shows society in 
the process of centralizing itself: and, grad- 
ually forcing us into legal socialism. This 



PREFACE 

is plainly shown in the poem. The process 
of centralization, for years, worked slowly 
in this country. As long as the influence of 
the founders of our Republic was potent, 
liberty was dominant. 

The first step in this process was the in- 
auguration of a general system of free pub- 
lic schools. The direct result of this free 
education was to overcrowd the book and 
head portion of our population at the ex- 
pense of the producing classes, making it 
harder for the clerk to make a bare living. 
The idea of every parent now seems to be 
that his or her offspring is especially adapt- 
ed to the learned professions and to society. 

This was also the first step towards the 
diversion of public funds to private enter- 
prise. The appropriation of public moneys 
to the extensive and widening fields of pri- 
vate affairs has progressed rapidly in the 
last decade. This, with its evils, is vividly 
set forth in my poem. Unless this is 
checked by united, immediate action, social- 
ism will increase more rapidly in the future 
than in the past, is my prophecy. This re- 
sults from the fact that the tax-eaters are 
the ones who manipulate our bond elec- 
tions. 

The result is plain, and can be predicted 
with certainty; the end of socialism will be 
the extreme opposite and, that you all know 



PREFACE 

is anarchy. When everything" is so strik- 
ing that nothing strikes, or in other words, 
when there are more laws than we can pos- 
sibly tolerate, we'll naturally rebel and kick 
them all over; all, as shown in this epic. 
The last transition will likely be accom- 
plished by bloodshed and strife. 

The laws for the management of society 
in a state of complete legal socialism will be 
so numerous and complicated; and the 
bureaus so haughty and domineering that 
freemen will not try to learn them, much 
less obey them. In fact, no one can now 
keep pace with the rapid production of 
laws under our incipient socialism. The 
fight I make is to break off now and go back 
to fundamentals, as shown in my poem. 

As against socialism or anarchy I delib- 
erately prefer the latter; but, as against 
both of them I prefer a government of lim- 
ited powers, based exclusively on natural 
laws that I have so forcibly defined in this 
work ; with a complete abandonment of the 
barbarous idea of punishment for crimes by 
criminal courts ; the man who commits a 
crime is to be pitied and helped to a more 
sane mode of existence, and not be driven 
into perpetual criminality. As to how he 
shall be handled can be better settled when 
we clear ourselves of our false notions on 
the subject. 



PREFACE 

Our legal servants, we call officers, are 
now deteriorating with great rapidity, as 
set forth in this poem under "Names." My 
remedy for that is to cut down the salaries 
of all officers from President down, so low 
that no one will seek office for money. 
Then have the laws such that men will be 
selected and compelled to serve, by public 
sentiment, for short terms and take out part 
of their pay in patriotism and good will. 

My observation, over a number of years, 
shows that the higher the salary, the more 
inefficient the officer. High salaries also 
give birth to gangs of politicians who fat- 
ten off the public funds and salaries of 
their appointees, making graft semi-re- 
spectable. 

Honesty in public and private life seems 
to me to be very desirable : and, it could be 
so easily attained, as set forth in my epic. 
Of course, under our prevailing system, 
honesty is out of the question ; and if any 
of you think that I have not convicted you 
of dishonesty, as defined under that topic, 
please send me your photograph to be used 
herein. 

In writing this poem I have no malice in 
my heart for a single human being on 
earth; and, if in any way T have touched 
upon any of your pet notions or sacred 
ideas, and thereby wounded your feelings, 

10 



PREFACE 

I sincerely ask your forgiveness; with me 
all truth is sacred. I have no ill-will 
against preachers, lawyers, or doctors; I 
wrote you up to make you think, and also 
to let you know you were not fooling me. 

In conclusion, I say to you one and all, 
as brothers and fellow citizens, let's work 
together to save the greatest country and 
the greatest civilization on earth. 

Let truth together bind us, 
And supporting it find us. 

REUBEN BRODIE GARNETT. 
June 29, 1913. 



11 



PROEM. 

I never shall appeal to any muse of old 
To give inspiration to my story when it's 

told, 
But, in words all my own, shall my theme 

unfold ; 
And, for my love of man, I'll tell you what 

I can; 
Tell you what I know that you may truly 

scan 
What to do and what to know for the good 

of man; 
Tell you where to go, the places you should 

shun 
On every working day, when your labor's 

done. 
In telling where to go I will not name the 

place 
Where you should show your face, but let 

each run his race 
And, for himself decide the spot to cast his 

lot. 
I'll point out mistakes to help put on brakes 
Against the evils of our day one often 

makes. 
From the Charlatan and all designing wise 
Strip his robe of guise and expose him to 

your eyes. 
The fawning sycophant and all his crafty 

kind 
Will be painted so they'll not be hard to 

find. 

13 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

I'll speak of laws and customs old with 
hoary age 

Taught by rulers, priests, and many an an- 
cient sage 

That now are practically extinct with non- 
Usage ; 

And regulations new that men had little to 
do 

With bribes sometimes when they put them 
through 

Legislative halls and Congress we'd now 
eschew. 

I'll speak to you about your manners 

When you sometimes march with banners ; 

And even with hosannas sitting meekly in 
your pew 

Revolving schemes against others you in- 
tend to do. 

The roving politicians all seeking fat posi- 
tions 

To feed their hungry maws and all their 
kin-in-laws 

Come in for their share when we divide the 
flaws. 

Even the society genteel in their swift au- 
tomobile 

Had better beware their piccadillos to con- 
ceal. 

Religions of every shade by ancients and 
moderns made 

To subdue the gentle folk with all that they 
have said 

14 



PROEM. 

This subject will meet its due before I'm 

through, 
As I started out for things about that need 

review. 
Theatres too, with music, painting and art, 
Might all feel slighted not to have their 

part 
In the criticism we bring as they my song 

may sing; 
And the pictures my word recalls may be 

carved on walls 
In the coming days as was done with other 

poet's lays. 
Developments in science where we place 

reliance 
To alleviate the misdirection of our state 
Should all be alluded to in the story we 

relate. 
Wars, with all their frightful havoc spread 
Where victorious and routed passed over 

dying and dead, 
And peace too that came at last 
That o'er the earth its healing blessings 

amassed 
Should have a place when in plates my work 

is cast ; 
Also ethics, that practical theme so misun- 
derstood, 
Should here be elucidated for the general 

good; 
And a few short digressions would not be 

out of place 

15 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

In an Epic dedicated to and written for The 
Human Race. 

But what is said under each head you may- 
read, 

So to my task the work shall proceed. 

•atrntonition 

Take from your statute laws and books 
All legal protection for thieves and crooks ; 
Your complicated bills of mechanics' liens 
That offer to rogues the ample means 
The owners of houses with their demesnes 
To make go down humbly into their jeans 
For the jingly coin doubly to pay 
The working man, and padded expenses 

defray. 
Your unjust schemes of municipal taxa- 
tion 
That cause home owners such great vexa- 
tion. 
Your tax upon mortgages, bills and notes 
Upon which the poor man's title barely 

floats. 
Causing him to pay levies upon his lands 
As if they were clear like the rich man's; 
By increasing for him his interest and dues 
Which the money sharks collect as they 
choose. 

16 



ADMONITION. 

Your laws against usury one may take 
Tend solely the poor man's back to break. 
You drive away the cheap money he might 

get, 
And leave him at the mercy of that lawless 

set 
Who fatten upon unfortunates suddenly 

thrown in debt. 
Nearly all your laws for the collection of 

dues 
Into our commercial life dishonesty infuse. 
Your regulations of homestead, exemption 

and stay 
Simply postpone our troubles to another 

day. 
By intricate trials w^ith their writs and 

pleas ; 
And copious objections about titles and 

fees, 
Remainders absolute, contingent and en- 
tailed, 
Upon technicalities numberless justice is 

impaled; 
Your instructions, your errors and appeals, 
Until the waiting, anxious litigant feels 
That the door of the temple of justice is 

locked ; 
And his chance of right is securely blocked. 
Your free legal aid and your festive welfare 

board. 
Their matrons and clerks, a mighty hungry 

hoard, 

17 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Impose upon the payers of taxes a weighty 

load; 
All for the purpose of sending over the road 
Some unfortunate victim of their own slimy 

graft 
Or some poor devil whom they kick "fore 

and aft." 
Your Juvenile court of which the kids make 

sport, 
Where curtailed haired women and men 

hold the fort. 
And such institutions the wits of man can 

devise 
Are considered by Progressives as bless- 
ings in disguise. 
Your tariffs for protection passed in Con- 
gress halls 
To build all around us mighty Chinese 

walls, 
Are sapping from the people their dear 

blood of life, 
And making for politicians no end of deadly 

strife. 
Your proctor with his aids to fight against 

divorce ; 
Who by his pugnacity is seeking to enforce 
Unfortunate couples bound in unhappy 

wedded lock 
To parade their troubles upon the public 

dock; 
And to bind the chains anew^ they seek to 

dissever, 

18 



ADMONITION. 

Holding- them fast that he may be deemed 
clever, 

In the estimation of all the Christian En- 
deavor ; 

And that class of persons who want now 
and forever 

To meddle in the affairs of all whomsoever 

Are not able to disclaim the care they ob- 
tain; 

Who crowd upon the weak the blessings 
they do not seek; 

All to achieve for themselves a home in the 
sky 

When from their missions on earth they 
fly. 

The Commissioners of Vice are pulling for 

a slice 
Of fame as it goes by investigating those 
AVho employ many girls simply to keep 

them in hose 
And such other fancy articles that they 

suppose 
Will always make them shine when they 

go out to dine, 
As a girl dressed up haply feels fine. 
And now here comes Teddy with his big 

stick and hat 
For damages to his soiled name in legal 

spat, 
With a small newspaper man suing for a 

big chunk 

19 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Because he published that T. R. had been 

drunk. 
To tell the names of men who are shams 

in our times 
Would overload my epic with variegated 

rhymes : 
The one named above is more than a man; 
He stands for ideas, a party and a clan 
Born of disappointment and just turned 

loose 
Sailing under the banner of the Big Bull 

Moose. 
This clique of theirs all swelling up to burst 
Decry all our institutions to be the very 

worst. 
They'd have our laws, judges and courts 

recalled, 
And others to suit them forthwith installed. 
They'd regulate the wages men have to pay, 
Neglecting to tell the laborer he might be in 

the way 
Unless his work he did should his employ- 
ers pay ; 
For unless his production his pay did com- 
pensate 
He and others would soon be off the slate. 
They told us too in tones as loud as they 

could prate 
How all the monied men and trusts they'd 

regulate, 
Carefully hiding the man who was running 

their slate, 

20 



ADMONITION. 

And supplying the funds for them to navi- 
gate. 

The working man too his dinner pail they'd 
fill 

Forgetting also to tell him to send in his 
bill. 

They'd secure to all the women free right 
to vote, 

So they could say to hubby: "We've got 
your goat." 

And volumes of such ideas upon us did they 

float 
All too numerous in this article to quote. 
Drop your silly custom not worn oflF by 

growth 
That judicial bodies must put a witness to 

oath, 
That all he says and all that he shall quote 
Will be the truth and nothing but the truth, 
About the matters he relates in his witness 

booth. 

The reasons for this habit have long passed 

forsooth, 
It deceives none on bench or in jury box, 
It may occasionally aid some old, designing 

fox 
To some youthful, verdant judge deceive 
And, of some just debt himself relieve. 
On the whole, it does more harm than good 
As at present the thing is generally under- 
stood : 



21 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

For in a contested suit with one who knows 

Against a trembly one who partially shows 

Some lingering faith in "Old Scare Crows," 

The inclination to lie and deceive in the one 

Would surely be by the other simply out- 
done : 

The one might be bound by the fears of 
hell 

While the other swears away his lies to tell. 

When the witness swears he's perjured un- 
awares, 

For by his plight he must the whole truth 
reveal 

By the rule he must more than half conceal. 

Stop your fight for prohibition and do the 
fair thing; 

Our people to temperance themselves will 
shortly bring. 

Take taxes off whisky, wine, liquor and 
beer; 

And, for the cause of temperance you 
needn't have a fear. 

Let all your marts and markets freely sell 

Every kind of liquor they ever heard tell ; 

Let every one the stuff make from gulf to 
lake; 

Make the price so cheap that with one leap, 

Men will forsake the common thing to keep. 

At one cent a drink the bar keeper will 
think 

His saloon will sink and soon put him on 
the brink 

22 



ADMONITION. 

Of finding some other way all his expenses 
to pay; 

So out soon he goes not stopping his doors 
to close. 

There still will be drinking and that keeps 
you thinking, 

That by compulsion you can create a revul- 
sion 

In the taste of man heap sooner than you 
can. 

The truth is, you've always tried in vain 

All these cultivated tastes of man to re- 
strain. 

The more you try to force men good habits 
to acquire. 

The more you stir up and increase his rag- 
ing desire, 

To show his freedom against which you 
conspire. 

He'll go to any extent which you'll never 
prevent. 

To get his booze on which his mind is bent ; 

He'll keep his ''blind tigers" and his wooden 
legs, 

Hollowed out and neatly made with faucet 
of pegs. 

His whisky he'll conceal and feel he's in the 
right ; 

So you'll not stop him no matter how you 
fight. 

The drunkard will drink no matter what 
you think, 

23 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

At any cost no matter if you consider him 

lost. 
Make the price so cheap that for his family's 

keep, 
He'll still be ahead to buy his folks their 

bread. 



+ * 



I used to tell my friends what I was going 
to do, 

And right away they'd say, "I wouldn't if 
I were you." 

I know of once or twice by taking their ad- 
vice, 

A good deal I lost at a distressing cost. 

Take my advice ; choose your own course 
to pursue. 

And, when you get your plan, just put it 
through, 

And then tell no other man what you've 
been up to. 

Then if you succeed you will never need, 

Anybody else to claim part of your deed. 

Even if you fail, don't furl up your sail 

Nor put your head under the bottom rail, 

But try once more just the same as before. 

24 




Dorothy 



DOROTHY. 

Listen to this story about a little girl, 
Who came into the world a short time ago. 
1 remember the day, only a few months or 

so; 
It was in the month of March over a year; 
When all trembling with hope and fear, 
We did for her watch — all sincere. 
At night she came, and without any name, 
Because we did not know what her sex 

would be ; 
But at her scream, the doctor said "she" ; 
And, then, we all at once knew what to do ; 
About naming her the course to pursue. 
We left it to her mother, herself a little 

bride, 
This weighty matter of naming all to de- 
cide. 
We told her all the names we did hear or 

see, 
But she rejected them all and called her 

Dorothe. 
So Dorothy's my theme her grandmother's 

dream. 
During all those years when those babes of 

hers, 
Us did come to see, and, now she still avers, 
That she watched through the passing years 
Looking to see if one of hers a girl might 

be, 

25 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

But they were boys, the whole blessed 
three. 

Now Dorothy's here to fill our home with 
cheer 

By her little, prattling talk and her sham- 
bling walk, 

By her little tricks she plays in her winning 
ways, 

Pulling off your hat and fumbling your cra- 
vat, 

Knocking over chairs, trying to go upstairs, 

Picking all the flowers for grandpa to smell, 

And more other things than tongue or pen 
can tell. 

She's a little sprite and good for our sight. 

But here I must pause and sadly say, 

That one evil day a swelling came on her 
neck, 

We thought for sure had come from us to 
take 

The little brat, and all our hearts to break. 

But the good doctor came and now she's the 
same 

As she was before the blasted swelling 
came. 

May I never see the day till my race on 
earth is run 

When any evil at all shall befall this little 
one. 

Many of you have plenty of such chaps, 

That Jump up and down upon your laps, 

26 



DIVORCE. 

Who are just as pretty and just as sweet; 
And you walk with them upon the street, 
To the market and to the drug store, 
Where you buy food stuffs for them galore, 
Just the same as I do for mine o'er and o'er. 
But still with me a great difference I see, 
Between your brats and my Dorothy, 
And the reason that you do not with me 

agree 
Is simply because you are you and I am me. 



+ * 



SDibotce 

Now drop a little tear, but don't stop here, 
Come along now and let's see if we can 

agree 
Upon another matter while o'er the thing I 

scatter 
Some thoughts I have, not intending myself 

to flatter. 
Divorce is a question about which many 

disagree ; 
Some think it's wrong ; some think it's right 

maybe. 
Now upon it let's begin our wordy fight and 

see. 
For a beginning I will postulate, simply to 

open the debate. 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

That it is not an affair of the state that 

couples separate, 
When they each other fervently hate ; 
Except where children, a care about whose 

fate, 
On the conscience of the public might 

grate, 
Are brought into court for the judge to 

state 
Tn his judicial opinion of the case, 
What he considers best for the human race. 
Then of course if His Honor is wise, he'll 

devise 
Some plan to make wife and man either 

realize, 
That if they are deaf to the cries of their 

offspring 
The court itself will bring pressure into the 

thing 
They're about to do, and. before it gets 

through, 
1 think that neither me nor you will any 

suggestion make 
Or advice give about what course the law 

will take. 
If when all this is done and the court can't 

make them one, 
Then it is up to him and all my talk is done. 
Some people oppose divorce on account of 

their views, 
Acquired from that book written by ancient 

Tews. 

28 



DIVORCE. 

Some think it a disgrace upon the entire 

human race, 
For any sundered couples to have a place, 
On the green earth where they may show 

their face. 
This narrow view is not entertained by you 

or me, 
Because we've been along far enough to see 
Some of the things from whom some are set 

free. 
Others oppose it on the score of "I told you 

so! 
People oughtn't marry whom they did not 

know." 
Some plunge deep into the matter, them- 
selves they flatter, 
That they can some great big principles 

scatter. 
Over the very causes while they chatter. 
They'd take it in time and let the big state 
Issue its own red-sealed certificate, 
To all spooning couples longing to mate, 
And, at one single throw the entire nui- 
sance abate. 
Then these smart ones pucker their mouth. 
With their heads tossed north and south. 
To see if anybody should really act so 

shoddy. 
As not an acquiescent head to at once 

noddy. 
But the main fight does not come from 
home, 

39 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

It thunders from the pope of Rome ; 

And, there are plenty of folks take his word 

home. 
He says marriage is the sacred thing of life, 
And when one takes a wife, regardless of 

strife, 
They cannot be cut apart with a butcher's 

knife. 
So you may shake this subject up and down, 
In country, village and town, and use every 

noun, 
Verb, adverb and pronoun from earl}^ morn 

to sundown, 
And the people will no better be made, for 

all your 
Prattle and all you said. 
The real causes of the thing are ingrain, 
Born in the heart and born in the brain, 
Maybe, by any by, before you die, but not I, 
Science may teach us to create and the race 

propagate, 
In some other way besides this vexing mar- 
riage state. 



30 



SOCIAL EVIL. 

Social CEbtl 

The next subject allied the last, on to which 

I have been trying my train of thoughts to 
switch. 

Is one to which a common word is applied, 

That just as well fits many other things 
beside ; 

But the meaning of which comes easily 
when tried; 

And seems to pop into your heads with no 
upheaval, 

Is that natural crime called ''the social 
evil." 

Now, I did not make people and neither did 
you. 

But if a certain inspired book be true, 

Some one made man for a start, 

And then chopped out him a piece near his 
heart, 

And constructed another of a little differ- 
ent sort. 

If this be true the ''some one" must be di- 
vinity 

For, ever since, there has been a mysteri- 
ous affinity, 

Between the two kinds in every community. 

On this subject we must not too v^idely 
roam, 

Because it might bring some trouble home, 

To some of you married men who every 
now and then 

31 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Feel like jumping out of your own pen. 

Legislation and investigation and even hu- 
miliation, 

Over all creation, in homes of every station, 

Among peoples of every tribe and nation, 

Have to this offense brought emancipation. 

Women have been burned at the stake, 

In attempting to make them forsake. 

The lives they were leading, the men they 
were bleeding. 

In all your statute books, in corners and 
nooks. 

Laws have been framed against every 
thing that looks 

Towards countenancing any form of pros- 
titution : 

Yet with all this and your contribution, 

In your vain attempts to revise the consti- 
tution 

Of woman and man ever since the world 
began. 

You have not yet laid the foundation 

For killing this wicked institution. 

You have tried segregation into dark 
streets. 

Where your own policemen lose their beats ; 

You have tried fines in the police courts. 

Where they fetch up all the regular sports ; 

You have even gone yourself among the 
slums ; 

And feigned to be treating them as your 
chums, 

32 



WOMAN SUFFRAGE 

Doing- your levelest to put them under your 

thumbs, 
And yet this evil does not seem to succumb ; 
Now what can we do but to stop trying, 
And to our several good wives lying 
About where we've been now and then. 
You let this subject alone and stay at home 
As much as you can for the good of man. 
The more you talk and act wise, 
The more you'll advertise the thing to eyes 
That see and ears that hear 
When you think no eavesdropper is near. 



OTloman Suffrage 

As my train of thought rumbled over the 

Last topic it nearly tumbled ; 

And, metre, I see, was hard tO' gee : 

But the subject next calling for my atten- 
tion, 

Has me so perplexed that I scarcely can 
mention 

Even the little that I know and the facts 
show 

About woman suffrage more than you al- 
ready know. 

Because I once rode with Phoebe Cousins 

And have read suffrage pieces by dozens; 

33 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

I've even heard Susan B. at the time that 

she 
Her speeches did make our customs to 

break, 
And yet, with all of that, little is under my 

hat, 
To enlighten you or tell you where I'm at 
Upon this subject great where women of 

late 
Their rights to get are defying the state. 
In Old Great Britt'n many of 'em are sitt'n 
Starving in jails sooner than lower their 

sails. 
But, considering it all, it looks to me, 
That if you make your ballots universally 

free 
To every living man who on top of earth 

walks 
And to every single, solitary woman who 

talks 
You wouldn't help us much to get us out 

of the clutch 
Of bad laws passed and the evil designing 

of such 
As our liberties would take to — beat the 

Dutch. 



S4 



HONESTY. 

If in all your acquaintance, you know an 

honest man, 
Produce him and introduce him to me if 

you can, 
That I may get the likeness of his face 
To emboss in gold for a model to the human 

race ; 
In my epic I'll give him a prominent place. 
Now, don't get miffed at me, till my mean- 
ing you see 
And my definition you fully understand of 

honesty. 
I can find plenty of people anywhere 
Who will not lie like a tiger in his lair, 
Ready to pounce upon you, your neck to 

break, 
Your horse to steal and your watch to take ; 
Who will not break into your house at 

night, 
And commit burglary without any light: 
Or in your pocket slip his slimy hands 
To snake out your money where he stands ; 
Or who will not murder, rob and plunder 
Or steal your child your roof from under; 
Or who will not commit any of your crimes 
And pay all that they owe, even to dimes 
And contracts keep square within the lines ; 
And yet none of these come up you see, 
To my idea of what true honesty must be. 

35 



TWENTTETH CENTURY EPIC 

Now an honest man will strictly follow 

facts 
In every thing he thinks, believes, or acts; 
When he knows the truth that will guide 

his way. 
Where there are no winding paths for him 

to stray. 
He will not suppress the evidence in a case, 
Where some gain may come to him in his 

race 
For gold, ambition, pride, or even grace. 
Without uttering a word, the biggest lie 

ever heard, 
May fly out with wings of the fleetest bird, 
And in its wake its venom shake over our 

heads. 
Bringing distress and grief its desolation 

sheds. 
By simple look, wink, or nod of the head, 
We give assent to whatever is said ; 
And in that way push falsehood straight 

ahead. 
Nothing at all may be asked, no inqijiry 

made. 
Still we should tell about the horse we 

trade ; 
]f any faults he have, ring bone, spavin 

joint, 
Pole evil, swinny or any other weak point, 
We should spit it out right away 
And not wait for the other fellow to say. 



36 



HONESTY. 

If a house you have to sell where one must 

dwell, 
Tell about the plumbing and everything as 

well, 
That makes your house unsuited to him 

you'd sell. 
If pastor of some orthodox church you may 

be; 
And find things in the Bible that can't 

agree 
With reason and sense, don't get upon your 

knee 
And pray grace to help you see that two 

equals three. 
Speak the truth, lose your job and stay 

free. 
When you go upon the street and a stranger 

meet 
Who seems to know you, don't be so sweet, 
And claim to know his face while you greet. 
When dressed up in your only Sunday suit 
That some one admires, don't begin to hoot 
That it is only your old every-day suit. 
When asked a simple question you cannot 

answer 
Don't say that you've just forgot and be a 

romancer, 
Come out with the truth, say you don't 

know. 
When inquiry is made as to what church 

you go, 

37 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

If you don't go to any, just say so; 

Don't pretend that you go to different ones 

"You know." 

If you're running a bank and get short on 

cash 
Where to extend accommodation might 

cause a smash, 
Don't squint your goggled eyes and look 

wise, 
And claim that you're moving the crop, 

otherwise. 
You'd be too glad to take a loan of that size. 
When you are specially invited to play or 

sing, 
And are pining to hear your own piano ring 
Don't say that you're out of practice here 

of late. 
When you've done nothing but practice for 

that date. 
If some one cordially asks you to have a 

drink, 
Don't tell him that you, yourself, was on 

the brink 
Of inviting him with you in a social glass 

to link. 
When you have old clothes lying on the 

floor 
That you are about to hand over to the 

poor, 
Don't pretend that you've them simply out- 
grown, 

38 



HONESTY. 

When in the rag-bag" they've actually been 

thrown. 
When some dear friend implores you for a 

ten 
Don't pull your coin case where money had 

been, 
As if he didn't know where your full bill 

book stayed, 
In your hip pocket crammed, the bills nicely 

laid. 
When in your swift automobile you ride, 
Don't ask any one to sit by your side, 
Ride by yourself and flatter your pride, 
That everybody's observing how slick you 

glide. 
When you get on your new spring hat and 

green cravat, 
Don't break your back trying to be so 

straight, 
But let modesty all your demeanor regulate 
Don't feel so grand, and swagger as you go 
Forgetting to whom for those things you 

owe. 
You are dishonest in the way you treat 

your wife ; 
You go to clubs and revel in high life ; 
You smoke, chew and drink to your full, 
While she stays at home the baby buggy to 

pull. 
You go outing and have a jolly time ; 
And, when you start out, you flip her a 

dime; 

39 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

When you do hand out a ten her things to 
buy, 

You pull it out slow and heave - deep sigh, 

And before you leave you almost make her 
cry. 

Saying so very much about hard times be- 
ing nigh ; 

If you ever spend a dollar freely in your life 

Let it be the dollar you deliver to your wife. 

Sling it out and say, "Money grows on 
trees !" 

If she wants more you'll dash it to the 
breeze. 

You don't always tell your wife where 
you've been, 

And I don't advise you to, for 1 don't begin 

To tell mine all the places where I go 

And the reasons for which I'll never show. 

You are dishonest in listing for your tax. 

In giving in notes and bonds hid away in 
cracks ; 

And the value of your things you put so low 

That when th' assessor's gone you don't 
know 

Where you'll get your next meal, so poor 
you feel. 

When you take your seat on the witness 
stool, 

And swallow that solemn oath under the 
court rule, 

The things that help your case, your law- 
yer told, 

40 



HONESTY. 

In your memory seem to stay with an iron 
hold; 

But those circumstances that against you 
militate 

Appear entirely faded off your memory 
plate. 

A falsehood acted, spoken, thought or be- 
lieved 

Seems justifiable when the one by it de- 
ceived 

Had no right to elicit the truth from you, 

And with the matter in dispute had nothing 
to do; 

But was merely intermeddling, taking in the 
view 

Of people's affairs to glut his curious mind 

And get into trouble if the same he'd find. 

Of all the animals on earth we find any- 
where 

Man's the only dishonest one I do declare, 

Unless the fox be called dishonest when to 
lead 

The howling pack off his track, he runs at 
full speed. 

And turns around and comes back over the 
same track 

And then quickly darts ofif somewhere to 
hide, 

While the hounds on the old straight track 
relied, 

And bound ahead beyond where the fox 
turned back, 

41 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Thinking he's gone on and thus lose the 

track. 
This clever deceit is accomplished so neat, 
By the sly little fox who is hard to beat. 
You may take the meanest horse any day, 
While munching away on his bale of hay. 
And he'll kick, bite, and run all the others 

away. 
Until he gets his belly full, when he leaves 
And lets the others eat the rest of the 

sheaves ; 
And doesn't lock them up in a safety deposit 

box. 
When a man's wants are supplied, he locks 
Up from all others the things he cannot use, 
If he lived a thousand years his stomach 

to abuse. 
Civilization made us dishonest, nature 

never did; 
Deceit comes from cultivation and we'll 

never rid 
Ourselves from its blighting evils till we 

undo 
Many of our laws and customs made and 

passed by you. 
Man could be made honest in a very few 

years. 
If he could be held respectable among his 

peers ; 
But if one of us should get honest all at 

once, 

42 



JIM SALTENSTALL. 

We'd be hauled up for being a dunce; 
And, an inquisition had to ascertain 

whether we're mad. 
Our behavior would to others seem so 

queer, 
That they would flee from us in bodily fear. 
So we will have to let reformation work 

slow, 
Until the full meaning of my epic you know. 

Sim S)alUn!Sftall 

(A Digression.) 
A certain man, stout and medium tall 
Dwelt near us once, named Jim Saltenstall. 
The most peculiar thing about this man, 
Was not his name nor distended span. 
A powerful limb was he of the law, 
In which he exercised his massive jaw, 
In justice courts if chance he saw, 
To display his wit or pick a flaw, 
In some contention neighbors hate. 
Where he was ready and never too late, 
To get a V for his windy prate. 
A farm beside, where he did reside. 
Claimed his skill and special pride. 
He handled stock and rode his nag. 
And had many things about which to brag. 
In cows and swine his money he stuck 

43 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

To raise for profit and keep him up. 
The clothes he wore hung on him loose, 
Except when he did faultlessly spruce 
Before his friends and neighbors to strut 
In court, to pull his client out of a rut. 
He had one pair of extra sized pants, 
Made by a cousin or one of his aunts, 
Known all around by every girl and boy, 
In his vicinity, made of brown corduroy. 
This pair loose he'd usually wear 
With no chance for the brush to tear. 
One sultry afternoon in the middle of June, 
A couple of spinsters riding along soon 
Discovered on one side of the road 
This pair of pants where it was "throwed." 
As they drew up close to the spot 
Their nag whirled around in a trot ; 
The pants were moving and jumping about 
These maids their wits scaring half out. 
No James was by them seen at all. 
But they knew the trousers of Saltenstall, 
Who had hid in weeds with none on at all. 
This mystery to them riding in the lane. 
He never appeared and offered to explain. 
Weeks passed by before they laid eye 
Upon Saltenstall for whom they did spy, 
This vision and its meaning to reveal. 
They imagined they heard pigs squeal. 
So by ifs and whats and twisting twigs. 
They guessed the pants were full of pigs. 
This story is true, and the riddle plain : 

44 



SCIENCE. 

James found in his pasture near the lane, 
That his favorite sow the stork had blessed, 
With a litter of pigs, so he was distressed. 
To contrive a scheme to take pigs to barn, 
And have them housed and shielded from 

harm. 
No sack had he in which to fetch the pigs. 
So these pants were used with his rigs. 
When on his shoulders his pigs he did load. 
In plain view he saw the maids in the road. 
They were coming straight ahead in full 

view. 
So off his shoulders the whole thing he 

threw. 
And took to the weeds to get out of view. 
These ladies came along, all as we have 

said, 
And found matters as stated under this 

head. 

fbtitntt 

We do not mean by the title above, 
Christian Science, which so many love ; 
And, against which we have no thought to 

inveigh, 
Because it is accomplishing some good in 

its day. 
By teaching us to see that the power of the 

mind 

45 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Controls our bodies more than others find. 
By science, we mean all knowledge gained 
From whatever source it may be attained ; 
By inventions, laws, medicine, therapeutics, 
Sociology, geology, astronomy, epizootics. 
Geography, orthography, mentality, logics, 
Government, devilment, war and fratricide ; 
And this list might be multiplied if we tried. 
But of all those things we cannot make re- 
view. 
For ages men did not know that the earth 

was round; 
It was supposed to flat, and all the ground 
Rested on the back of one man, whose pic- 
ture is found 
Still in old geographies, standing under his 

load, 
With his feet upon the back of some large 

toad, 
Or tortoise ; and, that the sun was slipped 

clean 
Back west to east, at night by us unseen. 
In the chariot of the Sun-god with his team 
Of steeds as swift as if they were run by 

steam. 
These views by them held sacred were im- 
pressed 
On others who even speculatively guessed, 
That there might be error in the sacred 

book. 
Or else those who read failed to look 

46 



SCIENCE. 

Deep enough into lines between lines, 
Where sometimes most information one 

finds. 
Shaking off their fear, daring men began to 

peer, 
Into the upper air with telescopes, far and 

near; 
Until upon them dawned beyond escape, 
By the picture on the moon and its shape, 
That, book or no book, the world was a 

globe. 
And, to fully prove it, they toiled and 

strove, 
Till Columbus the Great, did daringly navi- 
gate 
Far enough to see it and stop the debate. 
That one hazardous stroke by this brave 

man 
Struck the shackles from science and began 
A new era, in which truth conquers belief, 
And consecrated error dies to our relief. 
The door now being thrown open wide, men 

pried, 
And delved into nature with rapid stride. 
By the light of astronomy as their guide. 
It was discovered that those specks that 

shine 
High up in the heavens at the night time 
Are suns and worlds that in their orbits move 
Around greater centers in distance so high 
\s not to be seen as when through glass 

we spy. 

47 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

That all those moving- worlds by one su- 
preme law 

Of gravitation yield their obedience in awe. 

To the bottom of the sea men dived to find 

The wrecks of ages there accumulated by 
time, 

As old ocean waves roll over them its slime. 

Into the strata of the rocks marking each 
age 

As time passed written on them page by 
page, 

The history of the earth before the historic 
age; 

Men have dug up fossils for scholar and 
sage. 

With silken thread, they drew lightning 
from the sky, 

And harnessed it up our trade and com- 
merce to ply. 

By microscope and tools chemists use. 

The varied elements have been made to fuse 

Into numerous new substances by man used 

In the varied arts to which existence im- 
parts 

The glories of the times from which we 
start. 

The doctor, with his scalpel and his knife. 

Discovers new means for preserving human 
life. 

The inventor with his machines, human la- 
bor to supply, 

48 



SCIENCE. 

To the plowman who plods on his weary 

way; 
To the weaver who with his hands from day 

to day, 
His cloth he did weave in the old-fashioned 

way. 
The builder with his bricks of sand and clay 
Once made with mud securely encased in 

hay 
His stone, plaster, lumber, hardware and 

nails, 
All made by machinery which little labor 

entails. 
The merchant with his cargo laden in a 

ship, 
Propelled by steam as over the deep they 

slip. 
The baker with his ovens and pans. 
Bakes and makes his bread without hands. 
All these with telegraph and telephones 

supplied, 
Carrying messag"es as over wires they slide. 
With lightning speed, bringing to each his 

need, 
Shortening time and obliterating space, 
As each against the other runs his race. 
For gains in the occupations they chase. 
The grave lawyer sitting wise at his desk. 
Dictating to stenographers things he may 

suggest. 
About cases in court or making a report, 

49 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Of some opinion great in matters of weight 
About all the business to which they relate 
In the matters and things of those who wait 
Their troubles to tell and business to state. 
The iron horse on tracks of belted steel, 
With throttle and valve, and whistle peal 
Rolling over the land, propelled by steam, 
Crossing mountain, valley and stream, 
On tracks, rails and bridges of steel. 
The flying machine shot up in mid air 
Sailing over continents in feats they dare, 
Rivaling the plumed eagle in his flight, 
Or those swift birds that pass in a night, 
From out their abodes beyond human sight. 
The magic needle that points to the pole. 
Guiding navigation on oceans untold ; 
And those brave adventurers seeking the 

pole, 
Where the earth on its axis turns, 
To find that for which their ambition burns : 
Losing their crew in the cold, wintry snow, 
Too weak from hunger, them to follow. 
And onward, how far can the genius of man 

go? 
With Edison, the wizard, putting on a show 
Of actors, scenes and stage, singing as they 

go, 
Talking and walking, dancing and playing 

airs 
On every instrument that man's skill pre- 
pares 

50 



SCIENCE. 

All through a little machine, run by a 

wheel ; 
And electric apparatus he did conceal, 
From watching eyes his invention might 

steal. 
And, there's Marconi, flashing across land 

and sea 
His messages of glad tidings without wires 

on tree, 
Or pole, and nothing to guide his machine, 
So far as any one has yet seen. 
If such men had appeared in the olden day, 
Before Columbus had marked out the way. 
They surely would have burned at the 

stake. 
For witchcraft and all for conscience' sake. 
Yet with the strides men have made. 
With sickle, sword, guns, knife and spade, 
With piston, valve, gears, driver and wheel, 
Driven by light, electricity, steam and 

heated steel, 
Their thought flying upon the world to re- 
veal 
The acts and doings of nature and of man, 
From ocean to ocean all over the broad land 
And even over the wide extended seas we 

expand, 
With telegraphic cables from land to land. 
Bringing all the forces of nature at our 

command. 
With it all, we have made a very little head 

51 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Ourselves to control, by designing leaders 

led. 
Those simple rules, by which nature acts, 
Might be applied to government its burden 

to relax, 
And take from the shoulders of labor the 

fearful tax, 
To support all the leaches now upon our 

backs. 

(A Digression) 
A sunny Sunday morning in May, 
Aimlessly to woods did I stray. 
Companions none, but longing to see 
One in like plight, I chanced upon three; 
The Masons two, wife and man, and one, 
A lad in his teens, made up 
A quartet with me to fill joy's cup. 
With lusty minnows in pail to its fill. 
We took up rods and pail, reels and line, 
And, in our barque sailed forth to find 
Some less wary of the finny kind. 
In vain did we tempt the fickle fish ; 
But at noon instead, with a dainty dish, 
Of eggs partly spilled and ham and things 
Fit for appetites toil and pleasure brings. 
We dined and ate to the brim. 

52 



COURTS AND LAWS. 

Two shy frogs sitting dreamily on logs 
Became prey to us as if native bogs. 
Fast flew the flushing day away ; 
A trolley call, and one and all did say ; 
Shine on old sol another day. 

Courts anti EataiS 

Next our courts and laws come in for re- 
view, 

Not to gain applause, but my course to pur- 
sue. 

Laws are rules as is taught in schools 

To guide civil conduct into the right, 

To redress wrongs and make us keep our 
plight. 

Deeds of a certain kind are called crimes ; 

For the perpetration of which in historic 
times, 

Men have sought to punish their course to 
stay, 

Every one who does them in some kind of 
way. 

By the power of the state men may collate, 

All kinds of acts which by law they state 

To be ofifenses for one them to perpetrate. 

These acts in themselves, may be for our 
good 

When understood, yet by the statute they 
would 

53 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Be crimes just the same, whether bad or 

good. 
The original idea of punishment probably 

grew out 
Of our natural impulse just to take a bout 
With any fellow who ever did us any dirt 
To see if him we could not also hurt 
A little more, or just as much as to us he 

did; 
Pull his tooth for our tooth, and his eye 

with the lid, 
P'or our eye he did black simply to pay him 

back. 
In a later day to give reasons for our laws 
Which by the wise were sought, we had to 

pause, 
So then we simply said, punish to stop 

crime. 
Now suppose that I could show that in no 

time, 
Did punishment ever even our crimes 

diminish, 
Much less did it ever bring them to a finish. 
Your eyes will open wide when I say to 

you; 
The stopping of crimes punishment will 

never do. 
Men will more chances take, your neck to 

break, 
Your goods to steal, and your girls to snake 
Off and defile, even if you are wide awake 

54 



COURTS AND LAWS. 

Against the whole complicated machinery 

of the law, 
Than they would by getting- immediately 

into your claw ; 
When with weapons good, you certainly 

would 
Make all respect your rights as you them 

understood. 
The plan indicated above could not all at 

once 
Be put into practice, for you'd be a dunce 
To turn loose so many who had never had 

any 
Training in the matter we set up as a crime. 
The way for you to do is to drop one at a 

time 
Of your statutory crimes punishable by 

fine, 
Mostly passed to give jobs to a certain class 
Of human vegetables who stalk about in 

brass. 
That you may cautiously follow up the scale 
In all its detail, and you'll never fail 
To accomplish good in giving people their 

rights 
And in keeping them quiet and free from 

fights. 
By the penitentiaries you keep and your 

jails 
Where people sleep with vermin on rails; 
Waiting for trial before jury and judge, 

55 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Weeks before they are allowed to budge, 
Makes them have against you such a 

grudge ; 
That when they get loose, as they fre- 
quently do 
They go at their old tricks with energy 

anew 
To see how dastardly they can act in the 

crimes they do. 
In your hatcheries of crime, the bunch you 

have to feed 
Seems to be increasing with a gradual, 

steady speed. 
The time may come when the gang in the 

walls, 
May outnumber us when at their leader's 

calls. 
They might break out with a united band, 
Overpower us, and devastate the land. 
So that whatever you do, make your crimes 

few; 
And those you do define, stand firmly to. 
The more laws you have the more it'll take 
To handle all those who their behests break. 
''Laws are a necessary evil" was truly said 
By a great hero, now sleeping among the 

dead. 
So the less of this evil upon ourselves we fix 
The more good we can with our liberty mix. 
Those progressives of you who make such 

ado 

56 



COURTS AND LAWS. 

About our laws, and the courts in which 

you sue, 
Want to fill our statutes all the way 

through 
With every law and sumptuary regulation, 
On every subject in the whole creation. 
That, in their wrought up imagination, 
They can conceive of to make litigation; 
(Telling us that they comprehend the situ- 
ation) 
They'd put on the books without investiga- 
tion. 
You'd like to snake all this through. 
Thinking that nobody is watching you ; 
But you had better try and hold yourself 

back ; 
We are watching you, and I am now on 

your track. 
Now the courts are made the laws to en- 
force ; 
It is their job, and you and I of course, 
Cannot dictate to them what laws to en- 
force. 
To criticise the courts as the newspapers do 
Might put us in contempt, the same as you 
In some cases where you had to keep out of 

view ; 
Or run a lively race to keep yourself out of 

jail 
By hanging on to some big lawyer's coat- 
tail. 

57 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

About your courts I will simply suggest 
That whatever might be done I deem it 

best 
Of the things we might do, get judges true. 
Learned and wise, and who do not know 

you 
Nor me, nor any of the folks that sue 
Their cases in court before them : 
The opinions they write with type or pen 
Will be free from the bias of men then. 
They will consider the laws, sort out the 

flaws 
In each case, and every litigated cause ; 
So that the judgment they shall render 
Making you your supposed rights surren- 
der 
Will be honest, no matter what we tender; 
Although you practically sink by their 

blunder 
Until in amazement you begin to wonder 
Whether your lawyer really did plunder 
Through all the books to get you from 

under 
The load that is imposed when your case is 

closed 
In the court of the judge you supposed 
Had sense enough not to be bulldozed. 



58 



A FABLE— TWO FROGS 

Two little frogs their legs began to turn, 

Haply leaped and jumped into a churn. 

The churn was filled about half full 

Of milk from which we our butter pull. 

One frog to his mate did say:— 

"We're here to stay and can't get away. 

Now you may paddle and your head addle, 

But I'll bebobdaddle if I'll saddle 

On myself the task to get out of the flask, 

I'm going to die, and no use to cry, 

So good-bye," and down he went dead. 

The other made no reply, but paddled ahead 

And paid no heed to what the first had said. 

By and by a big chunk of butter came 

And, upon the same froggie rode 

Feeling the load off his mind throw'd. 

In a short time there came a grunting swine 

Walking slowly up out of his grime, 

And shaking ofif his slime, rooted the churn 

over. 
Letting little froggie jump in clover. 

Nearly all of the animals go in herds. 
Fishes, mammals, bees, ants, and even 

birds. 
The snakes are not so socially inclined; 

59 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

They had rather with none combined, 

Slip cautiously alone and snap from behind. 

Man has always a social animal been, 

To get his food and commit his sin. 

He has ahvays stood for organizations, 

Municipalities, states and corporations, 

Made to protect him against depredations. 

Whenever new thoughts take form in his 
head. 

He is sure to try to have others into them 
led. 

By his talks and whatever by him is said. 

Man has made laws and written them down, 

Telling the good people all not frown ; 

That by their consent these laws are made : 

''The consent of the governed," 

Is exactly what they said. 

That is true as the law-makers by your 
vote, 

Are elected your welfare to promote. 

Laws are rules laid down for our control, 

Pointing out paths where we may not stroll, 

Marking the lines in which our rights are 
defined. 

Commanding and forbidding the multifari- 
ous kind 

Of the things we must do or leave behind. 

Some laws are on natural justice based; 

That might be speculatively traced 

To the dealings of man in his beginning; 

Starting out in the races he was winning 

60 



SOCIALISM. 

Over his ancestors, those animals called 

"low," 
He might have come upon one not so slow ; 
Who singly could not be brought down 

with a blow; 
So with his likes he combined the swift one 

to get 
For their food, and their appetites to whet. 
Now when this animal combined they took, 
The question was up, and not a law book. 
By which to decide who should take the 

hide; 
And into what and how many parts the rest 

to divide: 
So they naturally counted the number of 

their gang, 
While this juicy meat did before them hang; 
And number parts equal to the number of 

them 
Was equally cut off the beast from stern to 

stem : 
The meat thus divided the hide could not 
Be usefully carved up, so they gambled for 

it by lot : 
In the hand of each a pebble to throw at a 

spot, 
They took to try who closest to the mark 

got; 
And the one it who did the nearest hit, 
Took away the hide for his skill and grit. 
The idea of justice thus received 

61 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Is about as good as has ever been achieved, 

By reading all the books in every case 

Where the law is defined for the human 
race. 

Life might be likened to a game of chance 

And the laws, the rules by which we ad- 
vance 

Our men upon the board or throw the lance : 

When people together their business trans- 
act, 

Follow the rules, and courts will solve the 
contract. 

When our forefathers made this Republic 
of ours, 

They established a constitution limiting the 
powers, 

That the government itself could exercise 

The best to preserve our liberty they could 
devise. 

Even before this fundamental law they did 
make, 

Which of necessity did part of our liberty 
take, 

They prefaced all our laws for me and you 

With certain inalienable rights kept in 
view : 

**That all men Avere created equal," they 
knew; 

"That life, liberty, and the pursuit of hap- 
piness," 

Were set out in plain view, our land to 
bless. 

62 



SOCIALISM. 

Now every law since that date passed by 

the state, 
To that extent our liberties infringe, even 

though we scringe; 
And feel the distress, without redress, 
Of many iniquitous acts, even by Congress. 
If men were actually well-behaved, 
Much useless trouble and expense could be 

saved : 
Laws being hobbies our liberties to re- 
strain ; 
Some barely holding us, even with tight 

rein. 
The socialist man, if I do not mistake, 
Would all restraint from our law makers 

take. 
So that the state might feed and regulate 
All the peoples who come within its gate, 
And all others' properties appropriate, 
To the general good as by them understood. 
The titles to your lands and everything 

good 
That on them stands, they would concen- 
trate 
Into public hands whom they would nomi- 
nate. 
The labor and the work, the leaders would 

shirk, 
Would be done by some one or his clerk. 
So that we all would have a good time, 
In our day, should we adopt their line. 

63 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

"Every man has a right to work and eat"; 
And such clap trap of verbiage we meet, 
On every hand as we go over our land. 
They jabber, but their sense I can't see. 
How can this come in the land of the free? 
They produce arguments hoary with age. 
Used by many a high-class sage. 
That the ownership of property — especially 

land. 
Never had a foundation on which it could 

stand. 
That the whole idea was a fiction once, 
And not to see it now one is a dunce. 
That all your vested rights on paper, 
Are unsound, no matter what caper 
Folks may cut their supposed rights to hold. 
With all their power and hoarded gold. 
If they can unite the working man on their 

side, 
They hope into power to gloriously slide. 
The men who labor with their hands have 

all 
United into bands. 

Feeling that the little work there is to do 
Must pay the most to the ones who pursue 
Trades of all kinds and of every hue. 
That the work for men to do with hands 
Is constant, regardless of supply and de- 
mands ; 
Never once observing that the cost 
Of production many jobs them have lost. 

64 



SOCIALISM. 

So even if they do get more out of that they 
do; 

The valuable time lost in the trades they 
pursue, 

Will more than compensate for th' advanced 
rate 

They obtain from the fewer jobs that re- 
main. 

Why it does not occur to them while they 
dream 

What a big- world this is with all its 
demesne, 

Is a matter beyond explanation by what I 
ween. 

That work is not confined on this big earth, 

But spreads out to give us all a wide berth. 

Against trusts and monied corporations, 

Men in their stations might form associa- 
tions 

Their rights to demand and their wrongs to 
reduce. 

But against th' individual there is no ex- 
cuse, 

Why unions upon him should heap their 
abuse. 

If one build a house to cover up his head, 

Why should union labor try to kill him 
dead, 

By making the cost so high that none can 
buy, 

Houses building now far and nigh. 

65 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

But all these perplexing questions are upon 
us; 

And the merits and demerits we must dis- 
cuss, 

If practical socialism must come, 

We must face it, each and every one. 

By the brotherhood of man, maybe we can 

Find a way to harmonize every tribe and 
clan 

And save this civilization for the good of 
man. 



Hh ^ 



^6e public 

My subject here is simply a term to express 
"A somewhat," the nature of which is a 

guess. 
Of the substance contained in the above 

term, 
It seems almost impossible for one to learn, 
No image of it in his mind can he conceive, 
Reflects the intelligence he'd wish to re- 
ceive. 
What the public looks like or is. 
Is more than you can tell or wis. 
According to some it's "ideas in th' ab- 
stract." 
So let us take that for the real fact. 
The public does not seem to be you or I 

66 



THE PUBLIC. 

Or anybody else — I'll tell you why ; 
Whoever or whatever the thing may be, 
He, she, or it shoulders blame for you and 

me, 
For wickedness done in his dear name, 
And credit for intended good, the same, 
In very many cases that men declaim. 
If a bunch of grafters wish to float a deal, 
Say in baking powder, wheat, or oat meal ; 
First the public pulse they scientifically 

feel, 
To discover signs of fever germs in foods, 
We've been eating, and such other goods 
Of the same kinds we've bought all our 

lives. 
And from which others are supporting 

wives, 
And children as they've done all their lives. 
Of course their doctor this pulse carefully 

felt. 
And discovered that germ tracks were smelt 
In most of the stufif we put in our pelt. 
He discovered too that alum would 
Dry up the diaphragm if used in food. 
Also that certain foods contained sand, 
That might get into the public craw, and 
Brace them up too much to patriotically 

vote 
For such a pure food law as they'd like to 

float. 
So after their analysis was properly wrote, 

67 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

They get their pure food law nicely framed 

up 
To suit their scheme and for the people to 

gulp. 
Then their bugle horns they did blare, 
And it carried before we were aware. 



In olden times, doctors and barbers were 

the same. 
As we find in books from which we always 

gain 
Information on all such historic matter. 
As bleeding was the thing then to batter 
Out diseases the striped pole must be 
An emblematic relic of the blood running 

free 
Down and around our hip, thigh and knee. 
But the two trades have been now long 

separated ; 
And while neither should be underestimated 
And both receive their due from me and 

you. 
The barbers' trade is not really and truly 

due 
As much criticism as is the medicine crew. 
There are plenty of fine physicians and sur- 
geons, 

68 



PHYSICIANS. 

Who receive their praise from us in legions ; 
But the "money-rosis" has struck the doc- 
tors 
As other trades, including divorce proctors. 
I well remember in the days long past, 
Pulse felt, and a look at the color the tongue 

cast, 
When the doctor was done, and no more 

was asked. 
He said it was simply chills and fever he did 

believe. 
Which a good dose of calomel or blue mass 

would relieve. 
All of which the patient did then and there 

receive. 
You might have had a slight pain in your 

head, 
And you were advised to lie still in bed. 
Now call a doctor your wife to see. 
And while you sent for only one to fee, 
Two or three more and sometimes a score. 
To handle the different parts of the sore, 
Come in and watch around your door; 
Especially if you've got money, and get 

more. 
If you fa]i and bruise your knee or elbow 
A specialist must come to whom they show 
Some of the dirt from the place around, 
To ascertain if any microbes are found. 
If a cough or cold comes in your head, 
A sample or two of the sputum that you 
shed, 

69 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Is sealed up and sent away to be analyzed. 
They always find 'em, so don't be surprised. 
And if plenty of money you can get 
To pay all this cost and never sweat, 
When your bills at home are all paid, 
You'll be then sent off on dress parade. 
Doctors never come now and find you well ; 
Your ailments have names you cannot spell. 
And when you ask Avhat you're about to 

take 
The awful malady you have to try to shake 
To pronounce its name your jawbone'U 

break. 
As simple a dose as soda and rain water 
At the drug store will cost you a quarter. 
All diseases now come straight from bacilli 
Seen through those microscopes they buy. 
Let these germs once your systems fill 
You just as well not make your will. 
It'll take the farm to pay your doctor bill. 
All diseases have now become contagious. 
And their catching qualities outrageous. 
When you walk do not spit on the street, 
Lest your saliva infect those you meet. 
No trains are allowed to have a drinking 

cup 
In which others drink, lest you swallow up 
The other fellow's germs sticking to the 

glass 
Of the family of microbes in the tubercular 

class. 

70 



PHYSICIANS. 

No comb or brush is found to smooth your 

hair, 
They're prohibited and blacklisted every- 
where. 
All your water must be thoroughly boiled 
And its palatable flavor entirely spoiled, 
To slay the ferocious germs in it coiled. 
And even the milk from your fat Jersey cow 
Should be pasteurized as never before till 

now. 
We might run down the whole category 
Till you were tired, and I get hoary. 
But these very things are the doctor's glory. 
Of course they are trying to lengthen life's 

span. 
And I'm not going to censure them if I can, 
Only caution them to be easy as they can. 
They don't catch me often, my father was 

a physician, 
x\nd before he died, he made it his mission 
To post me and make me wise on this score. 
I have sometimes felt peevish and sore 
Because father was too honest to la}^ up a 

store 
For me to spend when I life began ; 
My father was above all an honest man. 
Once my wife took pneumonic cough 
And we for a doctor sent right off. 
He came and found genuine bacilli. 
Scared me, and made the wife almost cry. 
They analyzed, criticised and diagnosed 

71 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

And sent her away, with my house closed; 

And for nights I scarcely dozed. 

They gave her just six months of life 

Before consumption would part me and my 
wife. 

My plucky woman partly believed what 
they said, 

And moped around a while and stayed in 
bed. 

] had some doubts about what the special- 
ists said, 

And relied a little on what an old friend 
read, 

Who had much practical experience, she 
said. 

Of course my doubts about science I hate tq, 
tell, 

But in a few weeks the wife was entirely 
well. 

If the doctor wants to, let him tell 

Why into the aforesaid mistake he fell. 

Now you had all better beware and treat us 
fair, 

If you have doubts about what our trou- 
bles are 

Just do your best, and let nature do the rest. 



73 



THEOLOGIANS. 



For the preacher's trade one should have a 

call, 
As has been said concerning the apostle 

Paul; 
Who with power armed with writs to haul 
Before magistrates Christians one and all, 
And lodge them in jails subject to call 
To be prosecuted in the name of the state 
For sayings of Christ they did relate. 
**Why persecutest thou me?" the Master 

said ; 
Then Saul, afterwards Paul, fell as one 

dead. 
When he came to he had a call to preach, 
So he went forth all nations to teach. 
Not many of you preachers ever had a call, 
Nor down as dead did any of you ever fall. 
Most of you took to preaching to have 

something to do, 
Although the picking is getting short for 

some of you, 
If the newspaper accounts I'm reading be 

true. 
When the lawyer's job in the country gets 

short, 
He adds insurance, abstracts, and things of 

that sort; 
But when the preacher's picking isn't very 

good 

73 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

He'd have ice-cream suppers whenever he 

could ; 
Or even quiltings and sewing society aid, 
Eked out with dinners and sale of lemonade. 
I notice now you're going to take course 
In farming to teach the brethren of the 

rural force ; 
But I'm afraid that if you begin shoot'n off 

your head 
To some of those old rustics to help earn 

your bread, 
You might get a set'n back worse than Old 

Ned, 
Or even than Saul got when he fell as dead. 
Farmers have ideas of their own they've 

tried ; 
And wouldn't listen to the pastor or turn 

aside, 
For his book learning he had himself sup- 
plied 
While ofif at college that had never been 

tried. 
You might do better holding to the plow, 
While your brother farmer was milking his 

cow, 
Feeding his stock and chopping his wood, 
And in that way would do him more good. 
But the best way for all is to wait for this 

call. 
And don't be in a hurry to be preachers at 

all. 

74 



LAWYERS. 

If you wait a real call to actually hear, 
You'll be working soon and will not have 

to fear, 
Without any other call than nature gives 
To every animal that on earth now lives; 
To be up and doing his fellow man to bless, 
Which while doing you'll keep from dis- 
tress. 

To attorneys, advocates, and counsellors all, 
I'm not afraid to speak to you about your 

call; 
Not afraid to give advice, I'm one of you, 
You may heed, or I don't care what you do. 
You give advice and charge for the same; 
Mine I freely give, and you get the gain. 
When you get free what to others you sell. 
You've something to brag about and tell. 
I like you, you bunch of jolly good fellows. 
Though you sometimes lunch like Col. Sel- 
lers. 
And your Sunday suit gets so slick, 
That a fly cannot walk on it and stick. 
You too are letting people into your trade. 
Deeds and legal papers are so easily made, 
By real estate agents filling out blanks 
Those you write are paid for in thanks. 

75 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

You sit in your office with high-propped 
feet, 

Longing for a friend to invite you out to eat, 

Or waiting for a client to bring around a fee. 

Sometimes you read or skip around in glee. 

To make the impression that your mind is 
free; 

And that you have plenty of work to do; 

And never for a moment take a solemn 
view 

Of how fast business is flying away from 
you. 

Some of you are learning on a motor cycle 
to ride, 

So when an accident occurs you are by the 
side 

Of the injured one to get a damage suit 

Against the company whose coffers you'd 
loot. 

Some of you join the gang and get in poli- 
tics. 

To get some legal job they may help you 
fix. 

One of you stirs up strife against divorce. 

And gets to be proctor on the welfare force, 

And gets a small salary as a matter of 
course. 

•Some get to be orators public affairs to dis- 
cuss. 

And get the press over you to make a fuss ; 

In that way you advertise your brains good 

76 



LAWYERS. 

To swing a big case and get a livelihood. 
Some join with unions to fight against the 

trusts, 
Others against the unions sling their deadly 

thrusts. 
Thus in battle array, some right and some 

wrong, 
We manage in some way to push ourselves 

along. 
The race of the old-time lawyers is nearly 

extinct 
To whose memory my fond thoughts are 

linked. 
I know a few whose names I'll not give to 

you 
Owing to my plan 1 intend to follow 

through. 
Not to give names unless to represent a 

crew. 
You know some yourself not in the law for 

pelf; 
I'm one myself if into my record you care 

to look, 
If I hadn't been I need not have written a 

book 
To make a little stake to put away for a 

rainy day. 
Lawyers are not dishonest, no matter what 

you say, 
Except when they serve you to get their 

pay. 

77 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

They have to be deceiving to keep up with 

you: 
You will not take your case you wish to sue 
To some attorney who could not stand for 

you. 
You know the attorney stands in your place, 
And to an honest one you dare not show 

your face. 
Tve known lawyers who courted the name 

of crook, 
Merely to catch grafters on their own hook. 
You know well when you are sued that you 

choose 
An attorney who will by any ruse, you ex- 
cuse 
To the jury who tried your case for the 

deeds. 
You did, and you know you did not get 

your meeds. 
So shut up your mouth and hie yourself 

home ; 
The subject of judges and lawyers leave 

alone. 
Lawyers have always been pillars of the 

state 
To uphold our institutions you'd annihilate. 
Their trade is not alone on paper made; 
It comes from growth by development's aid. 
It's the garnered experience of all the ages, 
Written in books upon numberless pages. 
It has stood when empires fell, 

78 



NAMES. 

When to the despots they did loudly tell 

Of justice upon him the law'd compel; 

It has stood against strife, slaughter and 

blood, 
When other trades and institutions never 

could ; 
It rises in the right, iniquity to fight, 
To protect the weak against men of might, 
Over w^idows and orphans its protecting 

arm 
Is extended to save the mortgaged farm; 
It shields the criminal against the crazy 

mob 
Giving him a trial of which they'd him rob. 
For peace and order and justice in the land 
Let us ever as true lawyers stand. 

Bamt0 

By the use of names we designate 
Some particular thing, person or state. 
The naming of animals in the first place, 
W^as put upon Adam as father of the race. 
This job imposed upon him no great task. 
Because no one's permission he had to ask, 
Whether the name suited mule or cow, 
Or the name horse he might to kid allow. 
Now the names of animals who came 
Before him in a long-extended train, 

79 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

They had to take those which for them he 

did book 
Because they did not have a list over which 

to look. 
All proper names men can find, 
Have been so often used by men of their 

kind, 
That when a child is about to be born, 
Into the world, the name it shall adorn 
Has to be taken from the long list 
Of those gone before, or who still persist. 
Although we have quite a long catalogue, 
We still have to search and our memory jog 
To ascertain the character of the ones 
Who bore the name about to be given to our 

sons ; 
Because any name may have been soiled 
By its owner around whom might be coiled 
The evidence of some offense the name to 

suffuse 
Before the time we it did choose. 
The likes and dislikes for names we take, 
Come mostly from the character of the 

namesake. 
A lot of names might be brought to view : 
Like Jennie, Sallie, Mollie, Kate and Sue ; 
Or Perkins, Phelps, Pickering, and Penn, 
And a whole book full of names for women 

and men. 
The others need not here be enrolled, 
In this little volume, or by me polled. 

80 



NAMES. 

The things that did once make names great 
Generally were acts done for the state, 
Mostly in war, e. g., Alexander the Great, 
Or Caesar, or even Napoleon the Sedate. 
Sometimes names receive much eclat 
At home, as well as near and far, 
Like Washington, or our Jefiferson, 
And also Cleveland and Lincoln, 
By statesmanship with head and brain 
For the public good when peace did reign. 
There used to be a time, now almost past. 
When patriotism was then in full blast. 
That men would sometimes almost actually 

do things 
With no other pay than the consolation it 

brings. 
Simply to be esteemed just, good and true, 
With no other motive than to bless me and 

you. 
But now of late men look upon the state 
Simply as a fat goose for them down, 
As o'er them her wings may spread around, 
To hover and her blessings bring down. 
The offices men fill to uphold the law, 
Or collect our revenues to fat their maw 
Are held mostly by ones we did not choose. 
Who with politicians by some sharp ruse 
Got nominated and elected against our 

views ; 
And when elected frame up bills 
For legislation that their own pocket fills, 

81 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Regardless of the trouble and all the ills, 
That fall upon the public that foots the bills. 
New bureaus are made about everything 
To which a gang of leaches can cling; 
With their matrons, clerks and superintend- 
ents, 
All hangers-on and their bunch of depend- 
ents, 
Disgracing all over our broad land. 
On every hand, the very name of man : 
I fear that our present civilization cannot 

stand. 
To live down the iniquity by them thus be- 
gan. 
The euphonious name of Guggenheimer, 
Sipniski, Schradski, or even Joe Reimer, 
Now is fine if their amounts in bank, 
Stood their drafts and never shrank 
Below the balance they had on hand 
With the banks throughout the land. 
A good name is appraised above riches. 
But to keep that good to which one hitches, 
When anyone can claim any name he likes 
And ruin it forever, when off he hikes 
To Canada or Old Mexico to get away 
From the crimes he did in his day; 
Making the name disgraceful he wears. 
And none of the same name spares 
From sharing the shame brought on the 

name, 
To us, innocent and free from blame, 

82 



UNIVERSAL PEACE. 

Except for the acts he did against our name. 
Ambition leads us to attempt undying fame, 
That after we are dead and in our grave 
Our name shall live that we did engrave 
Among the world's heroes on every page 
Of history that dies not with old age. 
But everything to make us famous or great 
Has been by someone, somewhere in every 

state 
Of civilization accomplished and achieved, 
So no chance is left for us, though grieved. 
So let us not try to make our names great ; 
But instead, unite to rescue our own state. 
From the clutches of the vultures at its 

heart ; 
And if we succeed at that, when we depart. 
Those left behind will bear us in mind, 
And write our names in the highest place 

thev find. 



>h ^ 



Winii^etmi Peace 

In all the past the records are full of war; 
Men had one desire to be in a continual jar; 
Or else the peaceful victories they did win 
Were not such as they wrote therein. 
Each nation, tribe, and men of ancient race 
For each other had nothing but hatred and 
menace. 

83 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Upon the boundaries and rights of each, 
The other did recklessly go to reach, 
With rapine and murder in their hearts, 
To snatch from each other all such parts 
Of their lands, and their goods to confis- 
cate, 
As could be done by the hordes they did 

aggregate. 
Their warriors and men to subjugate, 
TKeir women and fair maids to subject 
To brutality, and any other object 
As they chose upon them to impose. 
There were only two kinds in those times 
Of peoples on earth, those in their own con- 
fines. 
And barbarians who dwelt anywhere else, 
Regardless of who they were, Goths, Huns 

or Celts. 
No tie of sympathy was known or recog- 
nized, 
Between those different tribes ; 
Each for the other was lawful prize. 
Robbery, theft, and murder were terms, 
Applied to deeds committed at home ; 
These same acts out where they did roam. 
Were designated bravery and prowess, 
When upon barbarians they did egress. 
With battle-axe, darts, helmet and shield, 
Bent on the slaughter of their fellow man ; 
For conquest and glory, they led the van ; 
Over mountains filled with perpetual snow, 

84 



UNIVERSAL PEACE. 

Into heated valleys where the sun did glow; 
They fought for pride, religion and show; 
As upon crowned heads they wore 
Laurels of victory for blood and gore. 
But now has dawned a better day ; 
From ocean to ocean where men survey 
Their lands and the boundaries fix 
Where rights of each the line restricts; 
And treaties with one nation is made 
With others to settle their commerce and 

trade. 
They bring across oceans in merchant 

marine. 
Luxuries of life now by us all seen, 
Grown and shipped from the uttermost 

lands, 
Divided from us by seas, deserts and sands. 
Those natural laws we are learning to use, 
Based upon justice according to the views 
Of publicists and statesmen applied 
To nations dealing with nations the world 

wide. 
Now the crude implements of death once 

used 
By ancients, are thrown aside and refused. 
In place of triremes propelled by oars, 
Steel-clad battleships ride by scores, 
Manned with guns throwing missiles miles ; 
Around our coasts and adjacent isles; 
Our barricades and our battlements. 
Our field glasses and our armaments; 

85 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Our powder in guns and in mines, 

With deadly explosives of all kinds, 

Making killing a thing of skill 

Upon the thousands our inventions kill, 

All are bringing war to a standstill. 

No longer do we hand to hand in war en- 
gage; 

Foes rushing foes with eyes in a rage; 

Instead, the scientific gunner his aim to 
gauge, 

Miles away, his gun adjusting to suit, 

Deals death to thousands, wherever he may 
shoot ; 

With no malice in his heart, by electric 
touch, 

Some mine is exploded, killing and destroy- 
ing as much 

In a single blow, as was done in a day the 
old way ; 

And in all the soldiers are out of the fray. 

Why should we slaughter and fellow men 
slay, 

In this unimpassioned, calculating, scien- 
tific way? 

If such things, done by the whole nation. 

Were done by one, it'd be murder in our 
estimation. 

Inventions and knowledge lead towards 
peace ; 

And the frequency of war decrease; 

The more we know of our fellowman. 

86 



MUSIC. 

The less we like to cut off his span. 

So let the dove of peace hover over the 

globe, 
And in humanity's cause we ourselves 

enrobe ; 
Till from war and all its sickening pall, 
We advance, and universal peace install ; 
And w^e may, unless we get up a protocol, 
Over which we may fight to see who is 

right. 
In the interpretation thereof withal. 

Hh + 

About the subject of music what can I say? 
That mystical combination we sing and 

play? 
The origin of which none seem to know; 
For as far back into the past as we can go. 
From the time that Circe and her maids, 
In their lonely isle of forests and glades. 
Their magic spells, in song, upon the sailor 

wrought. 
With all his crew, to their abode they 

brought. 
To change them to swine from the forms of 

men; 
Until wise Ulysses, by some godlike ken, 
Undid the deed done his men confined in a 

pen; 

87 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Or when Orpheus with his lyre in his hand, 
Held his sway through th' enchanted land. 
So 'twould be a waste of valuable time, 
The history and origin of music to put into 

rhyme. 
It seems that it has long over us held sway ; 
Back from the long ago to the present day. 
But in all times before this day of ours, 
U'hen men have harnessed th' unseen 

powers ; 
It did take the skill of finger tips 
Or the trill of throat and puckered lips, 
To wake from vibrations thereby made, 
The thrilling chant and sweet serenade. 
But now with pricking pins of steel, 
Those same vibrations come from turn of 

wheel. 
When in dents lightly made on a disc, 
Which around and around we playfully 

whisk : 
The pin points strike in and then out, 
As the thing is whirled about ; 
And, by magnifying the scratching it makes 
The picture of the whole sound action it 

takes : 
And reproduces the vibrations on our ear, 
Of an opera or any piece we wish to hear. 
By the numerous machines by inventors 

made. 
The sweet music once by human skill 

played, 

88 



MUSIC. 

Has passed into commerce of daily trade. 
For a few dollars one can buy, 
A music maker if he will but try. 
Although the music thus made is not the 

real thing; 
Yet instruments are designed that give it 

the ring. 
True music that really stirs the hearts of 

men 
That comes from the masters with the pen, 
Must be by human skill played. 
As ever behind its dress parade. 
Stands the soul of the master, flowing with 

the sound, 
As it comes to our ears in tones profound, 
Or tintinabulations of drum or fife, 
Calling us to war and its deadly strife; 
Or those mysterious strains of the violin, 
In the hands of the artist held in, 
By his neck, hands, shoulders and chin 
So none can tell where he stops for fiddle 

to begin ; 
Both moving together in such perfect time 
As we sit in rapture, listening to the chime. 
Will ever the sense of music in man, 
Having remained since histor}^ began. 
Be obliterated in time to come; 
And his taste for sounds become numb, 
By the strain on him these machines make, 
Hounding him by their grating sleep or 

wake, 

89 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

By the screeching buzzes they make ; 
With our songs all ground up into rag, 
Even the stirring ones of the glorious flag, 
And those sedate hymns sang in church 
Which ragtime has sought to besmirch. 
But of all of this let us not complain, 
Even if we lose our desire for the grand 

refrain ; 
Maybe some time the genius of the great, 
Will some better sense create, 
For its loss fully to compensate. 

paintinff anli Sitt 

When I think over the subject of painting 
and art 

Nothing occurs new that to you 1 can im- 
part 

Which might bring reformation in the way 

These subjects could be treated in our day. 

The men of ancient times, with keen vision, 

Bent over canvas and marble with a pre- 
cision 

Not equalled or surpassed, marking lines of 
light 

And shades, bringing life and nature into 
full sight, 

Throwing upon cloth the earth and be- 
clouded sky, 

90 



■ PAINTING AND ART. 

With its valleys green and mountains high. 
Divided into parts with ever-widening and 

winding streams, 
Their shores lined with foliage green and 

rocks in seams; 
And scraggy trees, as through them the 

moonbeams 
Throw their mild and mellow light in shim- 
mering sheen; 
And fading lines of landscape merging into 

sky, 
With its diversified colors upon our watch- 
ing eye; 
And from the dead, cold marble stand out 
The forms of women and men showing 

their features and clout, 
Bringing out every expression of muscle 

and face, 
Revealing the thoughts and passions in 

lines they trace 
Of all the joys of life and the agonizing 

look, 
Even to portraying the dying groan one 

undertook. 
To show up nature is the whole object of 

art; 
To make the scenes natural and life impart. 
Now our skill in inventions throwing light, 
We absolutely copy nature and bring it out 

right. 
Men with their skill and labor bringing out 

a view, 

91 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

With tinsel and touch to give it the correct 

hue, 
Cannot come up to daguerreotype or kodak 
In throwing out the front or showing up the 

back. 
Thus onward our wheels of progress are 

rolling, 
Crushing out the heart of Genius strolling- 
Over lands vying, with his puny hands. 
With forces of nature invention commands. 
We should pause sometimes in our rapid 

flight, 
Long enough to reflect on the dangers that 

might 
W>eck our civilization ; children would their 

lives destroy 
Were they allowed to handle guns as a toy ; 
So with man in his audacious daring 
Handling these forces recklessly, caring 
Little for those who are smashed beneath 

their grinding, 
As the end to the glories of art they are 

finding. 

When my years numbered less than ten, 
I stayed with an uncle and aunt now and 

then. 
Who lived a few miles from our own door. 

92 



MY FIDDLE. 

Now when 1 think of those days of yore, 
When I lingered around the cabin door, 
In rapture listening to the violin, 
Held under our old black man's chin; 
And its melody did my young heart win, 
Recollection goes back to my violin. 
This old fiddle came to me in a trade. 
That I with our work-hand made; 
And I learned to play for the serenade. 
I rosined my bow and handled it too, 
And loved this fiddle the whole day 

through. 
I played it nights before I went to sleep; 
Rolled it in flannel its tone to keep ; 
Put it in the box which I did make ; 
And took it out mornings soon as I'd wake. 
My aunt, who lived at the house where I 

went. 
With whom I stayed and many hours spent 
Was of the old school in the ideas she had ; 
The most things I thought good she deemed 

bad. 
A deck of cards would have made her col- 
lapse; 
And for amusements now ofTered chaps, 
They'd been abomination in her very sight; 
The fiddle she thought her soul would 

blight. 
And even the box it was carried in, 
Was contaminated with the ghost of the 
violin. 

93 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

This vile thing was played for the dance, 
And that made it the horror of my aunt's. 
Of all this I was then in ignorant bliss. 
So feeling good, I did not want to miss 
The chance to show my aunt how I did play 
On my fine instrument with much display. 
So carefully boxing it up, I took it to stay 
At the home of my aunt, to whom I'd show 
My performance with the fiddle and bow. 
When I arrived she greeted me before she 

did see. 
What was under the seat in the buggy with 

me. 
When I pulled it out I plainly saw 
A cloud come over her as she stood in awe. 
She did not at that time speak her full mind 
But in memory lingering now I find 
She said to herself something or other 
To the effect that my father and mother, 
Who were her sister, and in law her brother. 
Didn't have the same care for their child. 
As she did for hers, or else how could they 

defile 
A little boy like me with such a tool of evil 
Specially devoted to sin and the service of 

the devil. 
I took my poor fiddle and lugged it to my 

room, 
Where I did not string it up so very soon. 
But on one rainy day I took it out to play 
Strains of old hymns that in my memory 

lay. 

94 



MY FIDDLE. 

The thunder's crash and the lightning's play 
Could not from my aunt keep away 
The penetrating sound my violin bore, 
Only a moment and she was at my door. 
I saw in horror my aunt stand before, 
With uplifted hands as her eyes bore, 
Riveting me in silence to the floor. 
The anger, pity, grief, fear and pain 
In her face made upon me its lasting stain. 
In words not spoken as much as shrieked. 
She revealed why her face was streaked 
With the lines I saw when she appeared : 
''Put that horrid thing away," she whis- 
pered ; 
''Put it in the back closet and lock the 

door." 
She insisted : "Hide it quick, 1 implore ; 
The Lord in his wrath will blow the house 

o'er! 
Don't you know better than to tempt God 

in that way. 
While the lightning and thunder His power 

display?" 
I admit that I did not know, but in my 

heart. 
Then tender in years, was lodged a dart 
It took years to remove; even now when I 

start 
Upon my new violin some music to play 
I wonder sometimes if in some mysterious 

way 

95 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

There is not lurking in it some demon still, 
Its tones and notes sound so awfully shrill. 
I would not for a single moment profane 
The memory of my dear aunt I still retain, 
Nor at her sincere beliefs cast one single 

slur. 
I write here what did actually occur. 
A coolness between me and the fiddle I love 
Sprang up from the incident related above, 
That lasted all the days of my youth 
When I might have learned the violin in 

truth ; 
That instrument none can ever master. 
Who does not cling to it in every disaster. 



Having now had with you our several quar- 
rels 

We advance our lance to the subject of 
morals. 

Ethics is a theme from which I can glean 

Some substantial hopes for a better day ; 

When, with our prejudices all put away, 

We shall all learn to act and think the 
things. 

Which keep in view the good life to us 
brings. 

96 



SCIENTIFIC ETHICS. 

While this subject is as plain as a b c 
The same for some reason you fail to see. 
Morals are the manners and customs one 

adopts 
For himself in private life, while he hops, 
Or walks and talks with his fellow men. 
Good morals are good habits and bad, bad. 
Habits are easily made, and when once had, 
They are hard to break for anybody's sake. 
The "stream of thought" seems the road to 

take, 
Where it once had run anywhere under the 

sun. 
Morals are the acts of which life is com- 
posed 
That we have upon ourselves imposed. 
This definition was made by Immanuel 

Kant, 
But as it is self evident, he needn't want, 
All the credit to claim if I use the same. 
Laws cause you do as others compel you; 
Ethics cause you to do what you like to. 
There are only two things that push us 

along. 
Think about it till you rack your brains, 
And you'll find them always pleasures and 

pains. 
Some even take pleasure in their sorrow and 

grief ; 
And you'd not be thanked for oflFering a 

relief ; 

»7 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Nor for producing a balm to heal their 

wounds, 
From which they suffered, regardless of 

their grounds. 
Men, of their humility have been so proud; 
That lugubriously, they'd stand up in any 

crowd ; 
Or with their heads bowed and on bended 

knees, 
With the pride of their humbleness you 

they'd freeze. 
The pleasures we desire and the pains we 

shun, 
Were our only motives since the world 

begun. 
Now keep this in mind as its use you'll find, 
As we treat of ethics and its motives behind. 
"Self-imposed precepts" are not the moral 

code. 
Prevalent in places where men their guns 

load, 
To meet a fellow man in the public road. 
To try out the question with bullets of lead, 
On the field of honor, till one or both are 

dead ; 
Nor is it the legal code enacted by man, 
Making rules against things under ban. 
Morals deal with acts men actually intend, 
Those motions adapted to some end. 
"The wild gesticulations of a lunatic," 
Or of a crazy man who automatically 

throws a brick, 

98 



SCIENTIFIC ETHICS. 

Bear no relation to the discussion of ethics. 
The standards of morals take their hue 
From the aims of life men hold in view. 
The pessimist says life's a failure entire, 
So to meet the demands his views require, 
A scheme of acts adapted to shortening life 
To get this set soonest out of the strife, 
And all the sad and tragic things. 
The whole of existence to them brings. 
Would be the highest standard of acts, 
Which in goodness one for them enacts. 
The optimist takes a very different view, 
Life's a pleasure while he its joys pursue. 
For him a general life suited to make, 
Life long, broad and deep for his sake. 
Would be a good banner at him to shake. 
So we say, bad morals are bad, and good, 

good. 
The reason the subject by you is not un- 
derstood, 
Is, that while you must surely know, 
You constantly misapply to ethics one word 

as you go. 
The meaning of this word if you don't get. 
Is from stupidity, for you never yet 
Went into a store anything to buy or even 

try, 
But a practical demonstration was before 

your eye. 
The first thing you ask about a razor or 
knife, 

^9 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Is this, "Is it good?" and the clerk doesn't 

cry, 
"What do you mean!" if he wants you to 

buy. 
He politely answers, "Both these tools cut 

good, 
As they are warranted, one whiskers, and 

one wood, 
And both of them do their part very good." 
If one of you farmers wished to acquire a 

cow, 
You wouldn't ask whether she could make 

a bow ; 
You would enquire how much milk she 

gave. 
And how much butter, and could she save 
You some expense in the way she'd behave. 
If such questions had all been left out. 
And tlie seller had known what he was 

about, 
He'd said, "She's good," and everything's 

understood. 
If a female reader went to buy a new 

spring hat, 
And the thing was in style, you would close 

your chat. 
If it was in style, it's good, every fool 

knows that, 
The bargain's made and the hat charged to 

pap. 
The same thing is true of skirts and hoops, 

100 



SCIENTIFIC ETHICS. 

Of dogs and cats, and chickens in coops ; 
You can't look about or run around, 
Without understanding this word always so 

profound, 
And mysterious when applied to my theme ; 
With yawning face you almost dream, 
And look confused when I try to tell what 

I mean. 
You never ask about any of the things I've 

spoke, 
Whether they say their prayers and never 

joke, 
To speak of such, you at me your fun poke. 
Now we'll see whether you are sensible 

folk. 
When you try to shed your customary cloak 
Of prejudice and mysticism you croak, 
Every time you try sense to ethics to apply. 
Common sense teaches us there is no reason 

why. 
The definition will not fit conduct every 

whit, 
As it did other things about which I've writ. 
Conduct is good if its ends come through, 
And its natural results are good for me and 

you. 
I take the optimist's view, life's a blessing, 
And when to you my words I'm addressing, 
Say whether I'm right in possessing, 
The notion that acts are morally right and 

good, 

101 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

That contribute to life as above understood. 

In its thickness, breadth and length, all 
those things, 

Which happiness achieve, diminishing 
man's stings. 

Before us examples have been set by teach- 
ers, 

By Immanuel Kant better than preachers; 

That each one of our actions should lofty 
be, 

That each would be a model for a code of 
morality. 

This form of hedonism I would gladly place 

Before the eyes of the whole human race. 

Asceticism is a term derived from the 
Greek, 

Applied to monks, signifying the exercises 
they seek, 

By which they distinguish themselves in 
that they do, | 

For favor with the deity in the lines they 
pursue, 

Away from their fellow man as much as 
they can. 

Virtue is a term originally meaning prow- 
ess. 

And as applied to bravery they did possess ; 

It aroused the ancients to courage in dis- 
tress. 

When the Old Bard sang "the wrath 

Of Peleus' son against those in his path : 

102 



SCIENTIFIC ETHICS. 

When his armies did advance with spear 

and lance, 
Against the Trojans against whom he did 

advance ; 
Or of him sulking in his tent, nursing his 

spleen 
Against tall Agamemnon for acts in being 

mean 
Towards him in regard to a captive maid 
Upon whom he had his affections laid. 
And all the bloody deeds done by gods and 

men. 
Breathing anger from their nostrils when 
Upon each other their darts they did hurl, 
And in the dust many bleeding bodies did 

curl ; 
As these savage men struggled for their 

prize ; 
To their gods whole hecatombs did they 

sacrifice 
Of poor dumb brutes that could not sym- 
pathize 
With^them in their bloody wars and heroic 

cries. 
Out of virtue as thus defined did arise 
Asceticism and all the horrid tortures it 

did devise. 
Even now men are so wedded to their in- 
spired books 
And things written in them by ancients 

where one looks 

103 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

To find every act for you and me so well 
defined 

That they claim that all experience com- 
bined, 

Cannot those precepts change to suit the 
age; 

Although we point out inconsistency on 
every page. 

They even allege that what by their book is 
said, ■ 

Makes things good or bad under each par- 
ticular head. 

That even as simple a thing as theft, 

If out of their book the subject were left. 

There would be nothing in our practical ob- 
servation 

To distinguish whether or not stealing was 
a proper avocation. 

Whatever of man's moral nature the origin 
may be, 

Whether he was created with a certain pro- 
pensity. 

Or whether our tendencies are a matter of 
growth ; 

One thing is certain, and needs not any 
oath, 

To prove that our several tastes may be 
improved. 

To treat our fellow man as it him behoved ; 

And toward ourselves the truer to be, 

Until our standards and the right did agree. 

104 



SCIENTIFIC ETHICS. 

If all the acts that you and I must do, 

Were written into mandates constantly held 
in view, 

And we should follow them all the way 
through, 

We still would be nothing but very slaves, 

Marching under orders of some specially 
wise knaves. 

Now if one in what he does, lives to the 
very top, 

Of his own ideals, him we cannot stop, 

Until for him his ideas we raise; he is up 
to full speed. 

For the requirements of all are not if the 
same meed. 

Most of man's motions should be left to 
his whims, 

Whether he rides or walks, or even swims. 

Moral conduct being by each self imposed, 

The acts men do will naturally be disclosed. 

In the things they like in the tastes dis- 
closed. 

When the acts of men are ruled by laws en- 
acted, 

From the category of ethics they are sub- 
tracted. 

No human motions should be forced or re- 
strained. 

Unless the welfare of others is to be 
attained. 

In some general sense, everything I do, 

105 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

To a limited extent, has its natural effect 
on you. 

By two meeting in the road, one of us must 
turn, 

To let the other pass or his rig might over- 
turn. 

By breathing the air some oxygen I must 
consume, 

Also infecting what remains by what I ex- 
hume. 

When in the market I buy my daily sup- 
piles, 

That alone has a tendency to make the price 
rise ; 

So that you have to pay more for your store. 

Thus in many and varied ways our motions 
bear 

Some natural disadvantages we should all 
share, 

In our relations each with each as we live 
everywhere. 

Any physical fact, however simple it may 
look, 

May change aspect by the turns it took, 

Showing how the morality of any motion, 

May appear and disappear, simply by the 
notion 

We have about those unseen motives in its 
track 

Preceding, going with, or following it back. 

In presence of ladies a man takes off his hat, 

106 



SCIENTIFIC ETHICS. 

To show respect for them and nothing but 

that. 
The morality of this act is not hard to ad- 
just. 
The same gentleman to brush away the 

dust, 
Takes off the same hat in perfect disgust. 
In each case the taking off the hat was in 

view. 
The one act was moral, while the other it's 

true. 
With the question of ethics had nothing to 

do. 
He now takes off his hat at the command 

of the law, 
In the presence of the court where he waits 

in awe. 
Being tired of the hat, he takes it off to sell, 
Now the above illustration you know so 

well, 
That its application I'll leave you to spell. 
"Nothing's good or bad but the thinking 

makes it so." 
Behold the beauty of ethics, let us make it 

grow. 
If you want plants to thrive, cultivate the 

soil. 
Don't over fertilize, or you will make them 

spoil. 
We may stimulate our desires for good 

morals, 

107 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

And our desire for good deeds, even by 
quarrels. 

We may over stimulate the passions of the 
youth, 

Even when trying upon them to impress 
the truth. 

By unduly stimulating their appetite for 
gains, 

And their desires for pleasures without en- 
during the pains; 

And by excess their natures may be 
changed. 

In that way we destroy their faculty to 
enjoy, 

The real blessings of life born of strife. 

Rewards and punishments for acts and 
omissions. 

Are causes for delinquencies and its com- 
missions. 

Both have their way their victims to sway, 

From the natural paths of right every day. 

Every good act brings its consequential pay 

And every wrong act its own punishment, 

Upon all who upon mischief are always 
bent. 

But to add to the natural consequence of 
things, 

Which their performance usually brings. 

This over pay in the nature of rewards, 

Drives one on until the pay alone he 
regards, 

108 



SCIENTIFIC ETHICS. 

And the nature of crimes fades out of view, 
While the punishment alone is considered 

by you. 
Thus on we are naturally driven from our 

path, 
Straying out of the right and the pleasures 

it hath. 
Most of our motions should be left open to 

choice 
To develop our selective faculties in acts 

and voice, 
That make us kind and fellows to rejoice. 
A certain kind of approval we feel, 
That might be compared to the scent 

flowers yield, 
Upon the doing or even contemplation of 

acts. 
There is also a stifling sensation coming 

about, 
The doing of things about which there is a 

doubt. 
As to whether we ought, although never 

found out, 
Think, do, or pursue the thing we're about. 
Conscience is the name applied 
To this moving feeling with our faculties 

allied. 
And some say it is a true moral guide. 
But experience finds conscience in this 

plight, 
It approves everything we think to be right, 

109 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

And condemns all things in our sight, 
That even from ignorance we deem wrong 

that may be right. 
For conscience' sake many have been 

burned at the stake, 
To appease its gnawings, and thirst for 

blood to slake. 
Gored by its pricks, Hindu mothers, their 

own babes, 
In innocence swathed, into the seething 

waves, 
Of the River Ganges, writhing, religiously 

they fling. 
While to this river god their hymns they 

sing. 
Galled by conscience the monk and ancho- 
rite, 
In dark caves, out of human sight. 
Tear their flesh and do themselves every 

spite 
To humiliate themselves in heaven's sight. 
What a freak conscience has proved to be. 
Is illustrated in a story by Heinrich Heine, 
Of a certain judge in a certain state, 
Having condemned eight hundred by his 

mandate. 
To be burned at the stake for witchcraft, 
One day conscience threw at him its own 

shaft. 
He imagined too that he was guilty of the 

crime, 

110 



SCIENTIFIC ETHICS. 

That so many others had been during his 

time. 
So to quiet his conscience he paid the fine ; 
And having declared himself guilty, did 

resign, 
And purge his soul in punishment condign. 
Conscience may help us our morals to reg- 
ulate, 
But first of all, we must our conscience 

educate, 
By educating the head by which it is led. 
Know the right and do it too as best you 

can 
And conscience will aid you to be a man. 
To learn the right, and it pursue. 
Read all books and observe the actions of 

man, 
Acquire by your own experience all you 

can ; 
Value conduct as you would value your 

goods. 
Digest the subject as you do your foods, 
Always keeping in view that present good, 
Is often best achieved, w^hen understood, 
By enduring pains now to prepare us for 

pleasures. 
In the days to come in greater measures. 
After all, the art which makes life a success 
In blessing those we love to bless, 
Is to find th* equilibrium of pleasures and 

pains. 

Ill 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

As we do our business losses and gains. 

Altruism is a word by Auguste Compte 
made, 

Meaning regard for others, which he truly- 
said, 

We should cultivate and human love 
assimilate. 

Sometimes the best thing for others we can 
do, 

Is not to worry them, but our own course 
pursue. 

And to ourselves be true, and they'll pull 
through. 

Having enjoyed our quarrels, before we 

pause, 
Let us take a look at your Sunday laws. 
In olden time Sabbath breaking was a crime 
Of such deep hue, that if anything you do 
On that blessed day, even to earn a dime, 
By shoveling snow, just about the time. 
You begin to know that you must explore 
For a little bread to keep wolf from your 

door. 
Now the reason they did pense, for making 

that oflfense. 
As I divine the most heinous of their time ; 

112 



SUNDAY LAWS. 

Was, that of all the days, it only took six. 
For God the funds to raise and no plans to 

mix, 
To build heaven and earth and all stars tc 

fix; 
And that the job was all finished so good, 
By sundown Saturday night, as they under- 
stood. 
That on Sunday He had nothing left to do; 
So the Lord had to rest, and now must you. 
If mistaken in the reasons as to me it looks. 
Plenty of Sunday laws are found in your 

statute books ; 
And you can read them all yourself, 
By taking them ofif their shelf. 
But all those laws have now grown so very 

old. 
And all the pages that them do hold. 
Are all stuck together with moss and rust, 
So that if you really and truly must. 
Take a look at them yourself to see if they 

are just, 
It would be better to hire some old maid or 

hag. 
Who would supply herself with a dust 

brush and rag 
From their pages to scrub away the mold 

of decay. 
Every few years, say one in ten, 
Some one or two of our fanatic men. 
Or some great big oratorical fellow, 

113 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Who imagines that with all ease he can 

bellow, 
And scare the boys their toys to put away, 
On the holy, blessed Sabbath day. 
As once happened in my own native state, 
In almost a comparatively modern date. 
This oratorical man became prosecutor of 

the law; 
And he began in earnest to apply his jaw. 
He gave us such a jar, that it was hard a 

cigar. 
Or even a loaf of bread to get near or far. 
Finally this one did his feathers plume, 
And a race for Congress he began to 

assume; 
Thinking that trip he could easily fly. 
We then commenced to sing **as in days 

gone by," 
Before he was walking about our doors 

stalking, 
Upon our heads to precipitate his wrath. 
To keep us all in the old straight and nar- 
row path. 
In not such an awfully long time, we awoke 

to find. 
That by somebody's nudge, our man was 

criminal judge. 
Dead sure now was he that he could scare 

all the boys away 
From everything that looked like work or 

even play, 

114 



SUNDAY LAWS. 

On the Sabbath day, and being in the lurch, 
Haply a number would stumble into church, 
When the choir began to sing and the coin 

to ring 
In the collection box handed around by a 

sly fox. 
Criminal informations for men in every sta- 
tion, 
Who in his estimation, were the Sabbath 

breaking. 
And the church forsaking, issued from his 

court, 
Patiently did the folks go their bails. 
And barely kept them out of our jails, 
Till the humane change of venue came : 
Then alas for his fame, nothing but blame, 
For his services lent, and the people's 

money spent. 
By simple non-use laws may die, in the 

public eye. 
When they go out of date, there is no need 

to legislate ; 
They are always considered as off the slate. 
So let all our captives out with joy and 

glee, 
And let us learn one thing from the Man of 

Galilee, 
That the Sabbath was made for man. 



115 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Tlmt WitliQion 

To work and love and live and do 
For others as for oneself, in my view, 
Would be a good religion for me and for 

you. 
To help ourselves and others to educate, 
That all false pride, selfishness and hate, 
Come from ignorance and is not innate. 
It is born of the admiration some bestow 
On fools who parade around to make a show 
Of their wealth, and also the clothes they 

wear, 
Thinking themselves too good our company 

to share. 
'Tis not the books we read, nor the speed, 
That we travel, nor our boasted creed ; 
'Tis not the strength we have to believe, 
All the tales that from others we receive; 
Nor the ugly faces we make when we 

grieve ; 
Nor those long drawn out sighs we heave; 
Nor even the sorrow we feel for crimes. 
Committed away back in ancient times. 
By Adam and Eve among their vines 
Of the lovely Garden of Eden 
Where before there was not a weed in. 
Go to church if you please, don your bonnet 

and hike, 
Take a front seat or sit with the choir if you 

like, 

116 



TRUE RELIGION. 

Invite others too, but don't frown if they do 
Let you go by yourself if they want you. 
When you see a brother come to great 

grief, 
Don't take that chance to give yourself 

relief. 
Of a burden you've carried to get a chance 
To heave at him while down, your pious 

lance ; 
Put your arms around his neck, his pains to 

check, 
And take some other time his sins to in- 
spect. 
Put your money in the missionary field. 
To send to all China and all around you feel, 
Like saving them from their idols to whom 

they kneel ; 
Spread yourself on land and sea to get them 

in the band ; 
All this you do and have not charity, 
And your religion is not right for me. 
Cut out Sunday, sin, satan and hell. 
Leave the gods up where they are wont to 

dwell ; 
Change all of your songs about heaven 

above 
To things upon our earth and human love ; 
Put ofif your mourning, lugubrious whine 
And think of man as the one divine; 
Learn to talk and walk and act 
As if man's freedom was a real fact. 

117 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Let your parsons take off their gowns, 
And smooth out all their wrinkly frowns ; 
And preach about potatoes, corn and hay, 
Just as if folks on earth intended to stay. 
Let deacons and monks and all their crew. 
Find work for themselves to toil and do ; 
Use all your churches, temples and spires. 
According to man's natural and ordinary 

desires ; 
Stop talking about inspired books and 

creeds, 
But show your faith by human thoughts 

and deeds. 
Immaculate conception and total depravity,. 
Are entirely too heavy for mortal's gravity; 
Baptism, holy unction, and the new birth 

divine, 
Are elements in which gods alone may 

shine. 
All our superstitions and fears and shame, 
Originate in reverence for some holy name, 
Burned into man by torch, faggot and 

flame. 
Prophets, priests and seers of old. 
So long their marvellous tales have told, 
That none on earth but the reckless and old, 
A doubt against them dare to hold. 
Their ancient books and maps and charts, 
Are indelibly branded upon our hearts. 
From childhood hour at chime of bell 
All congregate to hear the preacher tell 

118 



IMMORTALITY. 

Of the garden of Eden where the serpent 

bold, 
To our first mother did his story unfold ; 
And, that fascinated by that shiny snake, 
She has doomed us all to the burning lake. 
With no water our scorching thirst to 

slake. 
He tells us too with all his might and main, 
That for our crimes the pensive one was 

slain ; 
And that by his death on the cruel cross. 
We may recoup our first mother's loss. 
That all are bound in the chains of sin. 
Steeped in iniquity she did begin, 
By that headlong fall our mother Eve fell. 
And, unless we believe the tales they tell. 
Our lot wall be cast with the damned in hell. 

JmmottaWtp 

(A Digression.) 
When for us our eyes are closed in silent 

sleep, 
And over our rigid body is spread the sheet. 
While loved ones around us sob and weep. 
When in black our form is shrouded ; 
And taken to some church all crowded, 
Our last rites to receive at loving hands. 
Who over our coffin wreathe their garlands 

119 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

Of flowers, whose fragrance perfume 
The air, while loving hearts with song 

attune, 
The stillness to break in hymns of hope; 
And the speaker in his talk to cope 
With human grief and doubts and fears. 
Says consoling words to dry up our tears. 
When in our grave, made with pick and 

spade, 
Our embalmed body is solemnly laid ; 
Does that end us all and all our parade? 
Is that all of life to end in dust? 
From which our body came once robust? 
Or will there come some unseen power 
Our lost life to restore in some distant 

hour, 
By some loud trumpet blast us awake 
From deep sleep our slumber to break? 
Who pines the answer to know. 
May have to wait, or the knowledge forego. 
Science teaches that what of life we see. 
In man as in vegetation, shrub and tree, 
Are manifestations of acts the body per- 
forms. 
That mystic thing called "thought" man's 

life adorns, 
Is but the throbbing of the active brain. 
That each lobe and part of the brain, 
Responds to particular senses we feel. 
One convolution smells, one hears, one sees ; 
One urges locomotion, or brings us to our 
knees ; 

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IMMORTALITY. 

As upon them play the subtle waves from 

without 
Receiving the response within of what 

we're about. 
If all this be true, how can it be 
That when this machine is destroyed as we 

see, 
That these results can obtain thus set free. 
When the grey matter of the brain is back 

in dust, 
Into its original atoms rudely thrust. 
Unless it be that life itself is a thing apart. 
And the brain, nerves and throbbing heart, 
Are but the instruments through which it 

plays. 
And when this body in which it now stays, 
With all of its parts, is dead and gone. 
Another new body shall us adorn. 
They tell us such things in a book divine ; 
And that this new body shall shine, 
Forever amid the stars and in glory shall 

walk, 
Around a throne and to the king shall talk ; 
And that under the shade of the tree of life. 
Find eternal peace free from toil and strife. 



+ + 



121 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 



Death always strikes with a terrific blow, 
Because it drives us to where we do not 

know. 
All the saddened past has been filled with 

a guess. 
Ages have been spent in trying to relieve its 

distress. 
Men have sought magic and the spells it 

casts 
To answer questions and all inquiries of 

death asked. 
Yet, after all, we simply know that it is the 

fate 
We all must equally share with those we 

love or hate. 
Life is but a short story for us when it is 

told; 
Its brief animation for the young and for 

the old 
Is only an agitation, a ripple on the waves 

of time. 
A few joys, a few sorrows, a few thoughts 

sublime 
As onward we speed into the Great Beyond 

unknown. 
Could we but open the doors and see the 

paths strown 
With all the remains of the billions before 

us thrown 

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DEATH. 

Into the gaping jaws of death, devouring its 

own, 
We might then unravel its mysteries deep, 
We might then have visions of those who 

sleep ; 
But into that vast chasm none are allowed 

to peep. 
Vain it is to pry into this oblivion profound, 
Vain to attempt its hidden meaning to ex- 
pound ; 
Vain to ask why the hungry jaws of this 

Monster Great 
Does not spare our loved ones, why he 

should immolate 
Kings in palaces and peasants in huts of 

want, 
Babes in cradles and aged ones lean and 

gaunt. 
If we are inevitably doomed to this common 

end; 
Should we fear when towards it our jour- 
neys tend? 
We cannot shun it by fear or by hope, 
We must meet it, and with its pangs must 

cope. 
In which ever way our winding paths may 

lead 
Death faces us with its devastating looks of 

greed. 
It comes to us in a thousand different ways ; 
It visits us at night when the sun has hid 

its rays; 

123 



TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC 

It greets us at noonday when the sun is 

high ; 
No one can escape its ever- vigilant eye; 
All the living must yield up to it and die. 
Is death a curse, then all the living are 

cursed; 
Is death a blessing, then all the living will 

be blessed. 
It cannot be an evil, nature creates nothing 

wrong ; 
And it is only nature while we follow it 

along. 
Mother earth brings us all into this life ; 
And this same mother calls us back from its 

strife. 
Can it be that our mother would be unkind? 
In a universal mother, universal love we 

find. 
Although her children be numbered by mil- 
lions ; 
And all her numberless offspring run into 

billions ; 
Yet no partiality she shows ; all are treated 

the same; 
Her rules are based on fate, break them and 

bear the blame. 
How could her laws be varied to suit her 

flock? 
Anarchy would reign and destroy her stock. 
One universal law ; death waits us all ; 
So let us be courageous while we wait its 

call. 

124 



